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Gain a full summer of study with all the extra advantages at Brigham Young University
SPECIAL SUMMER FEATURES FOR YOU AT BYU
WORKSHOPS AND INTENSIVE COURSES
Analysis of In-service Programs Development of Instructional Methods
in Elementary Schools Curriculum and Methods of Homemaking
Education General Science Teachers Geology Summer Field Camp High School Publications Workshop High Uinta Adventure Hill Cumorah Pageant Homemaking Education Workshop National Camp School Organization and Administration
of Public Schools Seminar in Educational Readings Special Education of Mentally Retarded Study Skills
Summer Camp Association Supervision of Homemaking Education
Student Teaching Teaching of Bookkeeping and Economics Teaching of Business Skill Subjects
CLINICS
Advanced Cosmetology Clinic Arts and Crafts for Children Children's Dance Classes Genealogical Clinic Late Summer Extension Program Reading Better and Faster Youth Clinic for Boys
STUDY WITH GREAT TEACHERS LIKE THESE:
Dr. H. Aldous Dixon, former president, USU
Dr. Use Forest, education. Western Reserve University
Dr. Jerry Craig Garlock, consultant, Los An- geles County superintendent of schools
Dr. Ted Edward Gordon, youth services, Los Angeles
Ruth K. Hammond, remedial reading. Salt Lake City Schools
Dr. LaVerd John, director pupil personnel and guidance service, State School Office
Dr. George A. Kelly, psychology, Ohio State University
Dr. Herbert Tonne, business education, New York University
Dr. E. Wayne Wright, guidance, Utah State University
Dr. Alex H. Zimmerman, music education, San Diego City Schools
And scores of others
Education Week— June 10-14 First Term, June 17-July 19 Second Term, July 22-Aug. 22
Distinguished Faculty— Nationally famous teachers will augment resident faculty. Visiting artists also conduct classes.
Devotionals and Lectures— Church leaders and experts in many fields speak in outstanding BYU assembly programs.
Culture— Summer-long series of concerts brings the finest artists of music, drama and dance to the BYU campus.
Recreation— Full program of outings, dances, athletics, and the near-by scenic Wasatch Mountains provide recreational outlets. The Timpanogos Hike in July is the experience of a lifetime.
Leadership— Opportunity for participation in student government helps develop leadership qualities.
Advancement Opportunities— Many students now finish college in less than four years by taking advantage of Summer School. Teachers will find many special helps for certification and out- standing workshops and clinics for advancement.
Spend a pleasant, enjoyable summer on this scenic, modern cam- pus with finest facilities, classrooms, laboratories, housing.
CLIP AND MAIL —
TO: Director of Summer School
Brigham Young University, Provo, Utah
Please send me free of charge your Summer School Catalog.
NAME _ „
ADDRESS „ _.
I am especially interested in:
Exploring
the
Universe
By Dr. Franklin S. Harris Jr.
ANCIENT PLUMBING
Flush toilets were used in the period of 1000 to 1400 BC, since they have been found at the hill of Knossos, the huge palace of Minos in Crete by Sir Arthur Evans, and on the hill of Epano Englianos near the westernmost finger of the Pelopon- neus in Greece recently by Professor Carl W. Blegen.
COAL BURNING
Of all the metal mined from the earth, half has been dug up in the last 30 years. Of all the coal burned in history, half of it has been burned in the United States since 1920.
MALARIA FIGHTER
A new drug, a pamoic acid salt called CI501 holds great promise in the fight against malaria. Tests so far have found that a single injec- tion of the drug has protected pa- tients for a year, Dr. G. Robert Coatney of the National Institute of Health has reported. Actual field condition tests are still to be made. Malaria kills about two million peo- ple each year and afflicts about two hundred million.
i ■ ti f \ M -**
CRUMBLING CASTLES
Europe in medieval times abounded in castles. It is estimated that Germany alone had over 10,000, most of them now destroyed.
PACKS I CRISP*
Now, twice as many individually wrapped packs in every package of Supreme Saltine Crackers means you open fewer crackers at a time . . . keep the rest sealed up fresh and crisp. Get a package next time you shop . . . enjoy fresher, crisper Supreme Saltine Crackers often.
Enjoy Supreme cookies, too . . . they're "Kitchen rich" good . . . baked as you would!
SUPREME
APRIL 1963
241
The Improvement Era
The Voice of the Church
Official organ of the Priesthood Quorums, Mutual Improvement Associations, Ward Teachers, Music Committee, Department of Education, and other agencies of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Contents for April 1963
Volume 66, Number 4
Church Features
The Editor's Page: Blueprint for Family Living,
President David O. McKay .-.252
The Eternal Family, President Joseph Fielding Smith ... ...254
The Church Moves On, 250; Melchizedek Priesthood, 308; Presiding Bishopric's Page, 310.
Special Features
Family Togetherness, the Challenge of Our Times ....^.... 243
Creative Families, Richard L. Gunn _ 256
Grandmothers and Grandfathers, Lucile D. Smith .259
Your Values Become You, Virginia F. Cutler _ 260
Marriage, A Growing and Becoming, /. Joel Moss 262
Music for the Home, Ruth Hardy Funk 264
The Family Dollar, Robert H. Daines _ 267
Family Hours, Lucelle and Harvey L. Taylor 268
Let's Improve Our Family Communications, William G. Dyer ...271
Teaching the Gospel in the Home, B. West Belnap and Reed H. Bradford 273
Homes to Live In, Phyllis S. Allen _ 274
Living with Children, Blaine R. Porter ._ _ .....276
Living with Leisure, Israel C. Heaton _ 280
The Family and Lifelong Learning, Harold Glen Clark _ 282
Before You Buy, Investigate, Josie S. Vincent 285
The Spoken Word from Temple Square, Richard L. Evans 286, 287,. 290
Exploring the Universe, Franklin S. Harris, Jr., 241; Letters and Reports, 248; These Times: The Station Wagon Age and the Nomadic Modern Family, G. Homer Durham, 246.
Today's Family: Florence B. Pinnock, Editor
Food Time, Family Time 313
Give Yourself a Birthday Gift, Eileen M. Hasse 316
THE ERA OF YOUTH 321
The Last Word 336
Stories, Poetry
All the World is a Stage, Frances Yost 278
Poetry 294, 296, 299, 300, 302
The Improvement Era Offices, 135 South State Street, Salt Lake City 11, Utah
David O. McKay and Richard L. Evans, Editors; Doyle L. Green, Managing Editor; Marba C. Josephson, Associate Managing Editor; Albert L. Zobei.l, Jr., Research Editor; Carter E. Grant, Judith StePHAn, Heed H. Blake, Arlene I.arsen, Editorial Associates; Florence B. Pinnock, Today's Family Editor; Mar- ion D. Hanks, The Era of Youth Editor; Elaine Cannon, The Era of Youth Associate Editor; Art Direction: Ralph Reynolds Studio. G. Homer Durham, Franklin S. Harris, Jr., Hugh Nibley, Sidney B. Sperry. Alma A. Gardiner, Nathan E. Tanner, Contributing Editors. G. Carlos Smith, Jr., General Manager; Florence S. Jacorsen, Associate General Manager; Verl F. Scott, Business Manager; A. Glen Snarr, Subscription Director; Thayer Evans, Advertising Director.
Copyright 1963 by Mutual Funds, Inc., and published by tho Mutual Improvement Associations of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, All rights
reserved. Subscription price $3.00 a year, in advance; foreign subscriptions, $3.50 a year, in advance; 35c single copy, except for special issues.
Entered at the Post Office, Salt Lake City, Utah as second-class matter. Acceptance for mailing at special rate of postage provided for in section 1103. Act
of October 1917, authorized July 2, 1918.
The Improvement Era is not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts but welcomes contributions. Manuscripts are paid for on acceptance at the rate of 2c
a word and must be accompanied by sufficient postage for delivery and return.
Thirty days' notice is required for change of address. When ordering a change, please include address slip from a recent issue of the magazine. Address
changes cannot be made unless the old address as well as the new one is included.
ART AND PHOTO CREDITS:
Photo— 253— Hays, Monkmeyer Photo— 255— H. Armstrong Roberts Photos-256, 262, 280, 281-Wallace M.
Barrus Photos-264, 265, Shelton, Monkmeyer;
Harold M. Lambert Photo-276-Eldon Linschoten Photos-259, 261, 268, 269, 270, 273, 274, 275, 277, 279, 283, 308, 309, 310, 312, 321, 324, 325, 334, 335-Ralph Clark and Wallace Kasteler.
Art-310 Ted Nagata Art-316 Phyllis Luch Art-322-323 Virginia Sargent Art-326-327 Dale Kilbourn
All other art and photos— Ralph Reynolds Studio.
THE COVER
Aren't family moments as this simply priceless? Who can deny that a happy family circle working, playing, and praying together is but a glimpse of heaven on earth? This Camera Clix photo introduces a special Era— special in that for this number we have joined with Brigham Young University to present "Family Togetherness"— the theme of the Education Weeks to be held in thirty-three areas of the Church. In this issue there are many articles to make your own family life more enjoyable, more meaningful. Now, back to our cover picture— looking at it again brings to mind a sentence of President David O. McKay found on page 252 of this issue: "It is possible to make home a bit of heaven; indeed, I picture heaven to be a continuation of the ideal home."
Cover Lithographed in full color by Deseret News Press.
242
THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
o
4^ w
^Sl
w
*
IN THIS ISSUE
Family Togetherness, the Challenge of Our Times
"And what does the gospel show us? It shows us who our Father is; it shows us our relationship to him, and to our earthly father; it shows us our duty towards our children, our duty towards our wife, and wives their duty towards their husbands; it enters into all the ramifications of human existence." (Journal of Dis- courses 11:163.)
So spoke President John Taylor, then a member of the Council of the Twelve, in an open bowery, at a general conference of the Church, October 7, 1865 in pioneer Great Salt Lake City. His comment is as fresh and as needed today as it was then.
What was once "Leadership Week" on the campus of Brigham Young University has now, in 1963, become "Education Week" in the Church, with courses being given in more than thirty cities, involving nearly two hundred stakes and ap- proximately seventeen hundred sixty wards. The theme is "Family To- getherness, the Challenge of Our Times." At least forty thousand per- sons will attend the thirty-five hundred lectures throughout the summer. The following statement, emphasizing the Education Week program, has been issued by the Board of Trustees with approval of the First Presidency.
"The Board of Trustees of Brig- ham Young University has changed the name of the former Leadership Weeks to 'BYU Education Weeks.'
"The change was made after long consideration of a broader scope and more appropriate name for this pro- gram. The old name may have given the impression that the pro- gram is only for officers and teachers of our auxiliary organizations and exists for their religious training. On the contrary, the BYU Education Weeks are intended for everyone who can take advantage of the large number of academic offerings.
"We are pleased to note that the BYU Education Weeks will be pre- sented in 33 areas of high Church population in the Western United States and Canada next summer. The extension of this privilege to a wider segment of the Church is indeed gratifying and has the blessing and encouragement of the Board of Trustees."
The Improvement Era, with its family circle of nearly two hundred thousand subscribers, is pleased to join BYU in the presentation of this theme. Many of the articles in this issue have been written by faculty members who will be present at the various Education Weeks in the far- flung areas of the Church.
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APRIL 1963
243
APRIL CONFERENCE RELEASES
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4. The Art of Counseling
by James Jay Tschudy A most important phase of Church leadership is carefully analyzed by an authority in the field on counseling. Dr. Tschudy is a thorough Latter-day Saint and noted educator whose knowl- edge of the gospel and counseling is a valuable aid to Church leaders.
$3.50
5. The Jackson's Hole Story
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1. Biblical Sites in the Holy Land
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$3.95
2. Family Leadership — Inspired Counsel for Parents
by V. Dallas Merrell
A rich, new book studded with quotations from many of the General Authorities of the Church— both past and present. The author is chairman of the BYU "Educational Week" program for 1963. No LDS par- ent should miss reading this one!
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S. Castle of Zion — Hawaii
by Castle H. Murphy A provocative autobiography full of interesting philosophy and stimulating missionary experiences. A profound insight into the gospel's influence in the life of a most interesting Latter- day Saint.
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The Station Wagon Age and the Nomadic Modern Family
THESE TIMES
By Dr. G. Homer Durham
President, Arizona State University, Tempe
• Away they go— to different ( or the same) places, but in different auto- mobiles—the modern family. Can the basic cultural function of the family be saved in the station wagon? It is probably the place where family gatherings most often take place in these times— at least until the teens start driving. Then family meetings tend to divide or disappear!
The sociologist, Charles A. Ell- wood, felt that the family performed three important functions:
1. It continued the life of the species, determining the child's physical destiny.
2. It preserved and conserved so- cial possessions, transmitting prop- erty from generation to generation, as well as the ideals and standards on which government, law, religion, morality, and culture depend.
3. "The family," he also said, "is the chief generator of altruistic sentiments and ideals in human society. This primary group fur- nishes the basis upon which such primary ideals as fatherhood, broth- erhood, love, service, and self- sacrifice have been built up into moral and social traditions."
Today, one can conclude (so far as western civilization is concerned)
that function No. 1 continues un- abated. Whatever the culture, whether patriarchal, matriarchal, en- dogamous, exogamous, the family still has fathers, mothers, and chil- dren in common— and the population continues to grow wherever food supply is found. What of the rest?
Functions 2 and 3 derived funda- mentally from the religious basis and nature of the family. But modern man does not invest much time in the family. Business, civic, and (among Latter-day Saints) church duties occupy the bulk of his time. Whatever is left has been organized into extension classes, in-service training courses, patriotic gatherings, bowling leagues, or whatnot. Women are in somewhat better position than men. They are forced, by nature, to spend at least a minimum amount of time with the offspring. But this time varies from several weeks following birth to the period when the young depart for school; for today's mother is a working mother— outside of the home.
The home and family are sur- rounded by new, rapidly growing, centralized social institutions. The family continues the life of the species. But more and more the an- (Continued on page 304)
246
THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
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The railroad hat is deceptive. Bill Schupbach is a lifetime Standard Oiler, retired. His grandfather, father and uncle were Standard Oilers before him.
Before retiring, Bill was a refinery foreman. His company retirement plan gives him security, and time for model railroading, but his big enthusiasm is still Standard Oil Company.
Bill keeps close to us, and we to him. He is invited to our picnics and parties, receives our publications,
and is still one of the "Boys" at the refinery. He knows that he belongs.
It isn't the spoken thanks that do it; but your lasting interest in a man, your counting him as a person and not a statistic, these are the things that liven his spirit.
We have thousands of such fine men and women on our retirement payroll. If you know some of them, you know that they, too, are ardent Standard Oilers.
Planning ahead to serve you better STANDARD OIL COMPANY OF CALIFORNIA
APRIL 1963
247
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MANY ANGELS
Who is the "Angel Unaware" [Era cover, December 1962] on your December cover? I've heard there is a twin for all of us in this world. When I got my December Era I thought the little girl on the cover looked like my little girl.
Since then four different people have told me the same thing. My little girl's name is Del Ann and she is four-years-old. We would like to know what the little angel's name is, how old she is, and where she lives.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Delbert Householder Thatcher. Arizona Note: The Era has received several letters commenting on the similarity between the writers' children and the "angel" on our December cover. The "Angel Unaware" is Jill Hunter, age 3. She is the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Paul Hunter, 146 North 1050 West, Cedar City, Utah.
GAINS HONOR
Pictured is Gordon Gillette, Kahala Ward, Honolulu (Hawaii) Stake, receiving his Duty to God award from his bishop, Charles W. Nibley. Gordon is an Eagle Scout.
Letters
and
Reports
NEW SERVICEMEN'S GROUP
A servicemen's group was organized re- cently aboard the USS Hancock while the aircraft carrier was docked at Hong Kong. Southern Far East Mission President Robert S. Taylor conducted. Those set apart were Lt. Raymond Gay Blake, Salt Lake City, group leader; Lloyd Jack Cox, Blackfoot, Idaho, first counselor; and Game Omer Healy, American Fork, Utah, secretary. There are twenty-three mem- bers in the new servicemen's group.
OUTSTANDING RECORD
Despite a severe physical handicap, Julie Davis, American Fork Second Ward, Al- pine (Utah) Stake, has had nearly 100 percent attendance to all her meetings for the past seven years and was recently awarded her Gold Medallion in recognition of her record.
She has earned the Honor Bee award, the Mia Joy award (two years), and the three Laureate awards.
SHOWS GOSPEL FRUITS
The elders of the Baltimore District of the Eastern Atlantic States Mission want to tell you of our appreciation for your efforts in presenting this magazine. It is a great tool for our investigators in further stimu- lating their interest and showing them the life the true Church of Jesus Christ exemplifies.
The Lord has told us that the truth should be born out by the fruits. We feel this magazine does much to show the fruits of the gospel and its representatives here on the earth.
Sincerely your brethren, Elders Haddock, Walker, Lynch, Searle, Godwin, Brimley, Orton, Davies, Livingston, Yearsley Baltimore, Maryland
CUMORAH PAGEANT DATES
America's Witness for Christ, one of the nation's great religioits pageants, will stage its four performances at Hill Cumorah, Palmyra, New York, on August 7, 8, 9, and 10, 1963. It will be the twenty-sixth retelling of this Book of Mormon story.
248
the Panrnv
HANDBOOK FOR GENEALOGICAL CORRESPONDENCE
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Here, is an intimate glimpse into the lives of the Prophet's mother and father, brothers, cousins, and his wife and children . . . sons and grandsons. With keen insight and discernment, the author tells, of Joseph's love for his family and the effect on his loved ones of his martyrdom. An entire chapter deals with truth versus tradition. $3.25
2. Handbook for Genealogical Correspondence
By the Cache Genealogical Library All too often poor genealogical letters defeat their purpose and actually seal up many record sources to the correspondents. This handbook gives down-to- earth help to family genealogists so they can locate and contact the best record sources. Covers most problems you will encounter in using letters to com- plete research work. „ $3.25
3. Golden Nuggets of Thought, Vol. 4
Compiled by Ezra L Marler Great minds have crystalized their ideas and preserved them in compact literary gems. This collection is ideal for leisure moments, classroom discussions, and for use from the pulpit. Covers a variety of topics, conveniently indexed for speedy reference. $1.00
4. Cowley & Whitney on Doctrine
Compiled by Forace Green Now available in one beautiful volume. Mathias F. Cowley's great teachings, first published in 1902 at Chattanooga, Tenn., is filled with beautiful truths ex- pressed in studied brevity. Covers apostacy, restora- tion, baptism, gathering of Israel, resurrection, mill- enium, etc.
Orson F. Whitney's "Saturday Night Thoughts" was first published in 1921. When an influenza epidemic cancelled General Conference in 1918 Elder Whitney wrote these editorials for the Deseret News to give vital messages to the Church members. $4.00
5. Jewels of Thought
by Bryan Gardner Here is a choice collection of statements, usually pithy and succinct, conveying moral truths, perceptive comment, humor, and here and there a certain caustic wit. Contains well over 300 items. t $1.00
6. Love is Eternal
By Clyde E. Jensen A dramatic portrayal of life in the hereafter vividly shocks a young couple into the realization that to enjoy love eternally they must seal their marriage in the Temple. Interestingly presented in fiction-form, this quick-reading story will be enthusiastically read by teenagers. $.35
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APRIL 1963
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The
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JANUARY 1963
Sandy East Stake, 365th such unit now functioning in the Church, was created from parts of Sandy (Salt Lake County) Stake with Elder Orren J. Greenwood sustained as stake president with Elders Reid L. Harper and Howard J. Moody as his counselors. President Marlon S. Bateman was retained as president of Sandy Stake as were his counselors, Elders J. Ira Hardcastle and Max A. Mumford. The stake organization was under the direction of Elder Ezra Taft Benson of the Council of the Twelve and President S. Dilworth Young of the First Council of the Seventy. Sandy was begun in 1871 by the railroad which ran a branch line from this point to service mining operations in Little Cottonwood Canyon. LDS Church meetings began in Sandy in 1873. The origin of the name is uncertain, one thought being for the type of soil generally found there; another for Alexander "Sandy" Kinghorn, the railroad engineer who ran the first locomotive into the station.
Elder Edwin B. Jones sustained as president of Detroit (Michi- gan-Ohio-Ontario) Stake succeeding President George W. Romney. Elders Carl S. Hawkins and Newell K. Richardson sustained as counselors. Both President Jones and Elder Hawkins served as counselors to President Romney who moved from the confines of the stake when he was inaugurated as governor of Michigan.
The First Presidency announced the appointment of Elder David B. Haight as president of the Scottish Mission, succeed- ing President Bernard P. Brockbank who was sustained as an Assistant to the Council of the Twelve last October. President Haight has served as president of the Palo Alto (California) Stake since 1951. He also is vice-chairman of the Oakland Temple Dis- trict and of the San Francisco church welfare region and is active in civic affairs in California. His wife Mrs. Ruby Olson Haight will accompany him to the mission field. The couple has three married children.
The First Presidency announced the appointment of Elder Nathan Eldon Tanner of the Council of the Twelve as president of the Genealogical Society of the Church. It is expected that a new organization will be named soon to assist Elder Tanner who succeeds President Junius M. Jackson and his counselors, Elder Lamont B. Gunderson and George H. Fudge who have served for the past two years and are honorably released.
The First Presidency announced the appointment of Elder Joel A. Tate to serve as president of the Berlin Mission, succeeding President Percy K. Fetzer. President Tate has served as president of Twin Falls (Idaho) Stake since February 1960. He previously served as a member of two stake (Continued on page 319)
250
THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
A gentle reminder: Zee is a very soft (and very economical) toilet tissue.
APRIL 1963
251
Blueprint for
Family
Living
THE EDITOR'S PAGE
BY PRESIDENT DAVID O. McKAY
♦ Many years ago, President Joseph F. Smith then of the First Presidency, later President of the Church, said in a commencement address at the old Latter-day Saints College: "Educate yourself not only for time but also for eternity. The latter of the two is the more important. Therefore when we shall have completed the studies of time, and enter upon the commencement ceremonies of the great hereafter, we will find our work is not finished, but just begun."
With all my heart I believe that the best place to prepare for that kind of eternal life is in the home. But home life pays earthly dividends as well. I know of no place other than home where true happiness can be found in this life. It is possible to make home a bit of heaven; indeed, I picture heaven to be a continuation of the ideal home.
Every home has both body and spirit. You may have a beautiful house with all the decorations that modern art can give or wealth bestow. You may have all the outward forms that will please the eye and yet not have a home. It is not home without love. It may be a hovel, a log hut, a tent, a wickiup, if you
have the right spirit within, the true love of Christ, and love for one another— father and mother for the children, children for parents, husband and wife for each other— you have the true life of the home that Latter-day Saints build and which they are striving to establish.
In such a home God has placed upon parents the responsibility of instilling eternal principles into the minds of children. Church schools, Sunday Schools, Mutual Improvement Associations, Primary, and priesthood quorums are all helps in government, established here to assist in the upbuilding and guid- ance of the youth, but none of these— great and important factors as they are in the lives of our youth— can supplant the permanence and the influ- ence of the parents in the home.
The home is truly the first unit of society, and parenthood is next to Godhood. The relationship of the children to the parents should be one which would enable those children to carry out ideal citizen- ship as they become related to the state and to the larger forms of society. The secret of good member- ship in the Church or good citizenship in the nation lies in the home. If and when the time ever comes that parents shift to the state the responsibility of rearing their children, the stability of the nation will be undermined, and its impairment and disintegration will have begun.
The character of the child is formed largely during the first twelve years of his life. It is estimated that in that period the child spends sixteen times as many waking hours in the home as in the school and more than a hundred times as many hours in the home as in the church. Each child is, to a great degree, what he is because of the ever-constant influence of home environment and the careful or neglectful training of parents.
A good home requires good health habits through parents' instruction and example in eating, sleeping, and proper exercise.
Home is the best place for the child to learn self- control, to learn that he must submerge himself for the good of another. Then when he gets out into society where he meets with his playmates, he will better realize that he must give them respect and consideration. The home is the best place in which to develop obedience which nature and society will later demand.
Homes are made permanent through love. Oh, then, let love abound. Though you fall short in some material matters, study and work and pray to hold your children's love.
A child has the right to feel that in' his home he has a place of refuge, a place of protection from the
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dangers and evils of the outside world. Family unity and integrity are necessary to supply this need.
I wish to emphasize the fact that our homes should be more attractive and that more of our amusements should be centered in the home.
Parents must lead in the cultural development and show a willingness to answer questions. A child that is asking questions is contributing happiness to your life. Fortunate the child whose parents can leave their work occasionally to encourage the child in constructive play and spend a few hours in nature study!
Our most precious possession is not our vast acres of range land, supporting flocks and herds; not pro- ductive farms; not our forests; not our mines nor oil wells producing fabulous wealth nor is it our factories. Our greatest resource is our children, our young men and women whose characters will largely determine our nation's future.
Would you have a strong and virile nation?— then keep your homes pure. Would you reduce delinquency and crime?— lessen the number of broken homes. It is time that civilized peoples realize that the home largely determines whether children shall be of high or low character. Home-building, therefore, should be the paramount purpose of parents and of the nation.
Establish and maintain your family hoyrs always. Stay close to your children. Pray, play, work, and worship together. This is the counsel of the Church. Unhesitatingly, I affirm that my home life from baby- hood to the present time has been the greatest factor in giving me moral and spiritual standards and in shaping the courses of my life. Sincerity, courtesy, consistency in word and in deed, unselfishness are dominant virtues exemplified in the lives of my par- ents and others in the two homes, my father's and my own, that have proved a safeguard and guidance.
Do you know how I spell Home?
Honor
Obedience
Mutual service
Eternity of the marriage relation —these spell home, and they comprehend the spirit in which the principles of life and salvation should be taught to children.
The dearest possession a man has is his family. In the divine assurance that family ties transcend the boundaries of death and continue throughout endless ages of' eternity, I find inspiration. When the union of loved ones bears the seal of the Holy Priesthood, it is as eternal as love, as everlasting as spirit. Such a union is based on the doctrine of immortality and eternal progress of man.
APRIL. 1963
The Eternal Marriage
Covenant
One of the most glorious princi- ples of the gospel is the eternal marriage covenant. When the Sad- ducees came to the Savior and presented the case of a woman who had had seven husbands and asked him which of these husbands she would have in the next world, it was presumably for the pur- pose of trapping him if they could. The Savior answered them and said:
". . . The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage:
"But they which shall be ac- counted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage:
"Neither can they die any more: for they are equal unto the angels; and are the children of God, being the children of the resurrection." (Luke 20:34-36.)
From this answer given to these Sadducees, the Christian world reached the conclusion that there. is no marriage beyond this mortal life. Therefore marriages, whether performed by ministers of religion or by officers of the law who are duly authorized, are performed until death separates the contracting
YOUR QUES- TION
ANSWERED BY
JOSEPH FIELDING
SMITH
PRESIDENT OF THE COUNCIL OF THE TWELVE
husband and wife. This form of marriage, however, was not from the beginning.
In giving instruction to the Pharisees, the Savior set forth a very different doctrine. They came to him and questioned him on di- vorce, in the answer which he gave to them he taught the doctrine of the eternal marriage covenant.
"And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them in the beginning made them male and female,
"And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined to- gether, let no man put asunder." (Matt. 19:4-6.) Here we have in the words of Jesus the declaration that the marriage covenant is intended lo be eternal. This doctrine of the eternal nature of the marriage covenant was revealed to the Prophet Joseph Smith. It is very significant history that has come down to us in relation to the first marriage on this earth.
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Before there was any mortal death, the Lord declared:
". . . It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." (Gen. 2:18.)
Therefore Eve was given to Adam, and it is clear from this scripture that the intention was that marriage between the man and his wife was to endure forever, for death had not at that time come upon the earth. This thought must have been in the mind of Paul when he declared to the Corinthian Saints: "Neverthe- less neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord." (1 Cor. 11:11.)
Moreover, Paul when writing to the Ephesian members of the church wrote as follows:
"For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
"Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, . . ." (Eph. 3:14-15.)
There is then a family of God in heaven as well as on earth, and who will be the rightful heirs in that family? Naturally it will be composed of those who were married for time and all eternity in the temple of the Lord, for the Lord has written:
"Behold, mine house is a house of order, saith the Lord God, and not a house of confusion.
"Will I accept of an offering, saith the Lord, that is not made in my name?
"Or will I receive at your hands that which I have not appointed?
"And will I appoint unto you, saith the Lord, except it be by law, even as I and my Father ordained unto
you, before the world was?
"I am the Lord thy God; and I give unto you this commandment— that no man shall come unto the Father but by me or by my word, which is my law, saith the Lord.
"And everything that is in the world, whether it be ordained of men, by thrones, or principalities, or powers, or things of name, whatsoever they may be, that are not by me or by my word, saith the Lord, shall be thrown down, and shall not remain after men are dead, neither in nor after the resurrection, saith the Lord your God." (D&C 132:8-13.)
Naturally, if men and women, when they marry become members of the family of God, and are en- titled to the blessings of eternal increase after the resurrection, the ordinance and covenant of marriage must be by divine authority. The privilege to per- form such marriages cannot be promiscuously assumed by any individual or minister. There is but one at a time who holds these divine keys. He has the author- ity to delegate authority to others to perform marriages for time and for all eternity, and unless this authority is granted, marriages for time and eternity would not be binding beyond this mortal life. Naturally those who wish to marry must subscribe to the laws of the state. No minister or even elder of the Church has the authority to perform marriages and seal for time and all eternity except those who have been duly delegated the authority from the one who holds these divine keys— the President of the Church.
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Creative Families
BY RICHARD 1_. GUNN chairman, department of art, byu
• One of the greatest minds of our century said that imagination is more important than knowledge!
Einstein was not suggesting that knowledge was of small importance, and we know as members of the Church that "we cannot be saved in ignorance." But the act of creation is the highest power of man— and God. The first sentence of the Bible reminds us of this creative power. The more that modern man discovers about the heavens and earth that God created, the more he marvels.
Human creativity is a product of a divine endow- ment, nurtured in a certain type of atmosphere, stimulated with specific experiences, and given ex- pression with an individual emphasis.
The cradle of the creative requirements is the family.
As parents we hold the creative life of our children in our hands. How strange it is that so many parents and teachers go out of their way to turn off the switches of creativity in our children. In working with young children, teens, adults, and grandparents, it is disturbing to see the children's rich, creative qualities slip away from them. See for yourself. Simply watch young children at play— a pencil may become a space ship, a rock may be a kitchen stove. Listen to the children at play— "Now you be the baby, and I'll be the mama cooking supper. . . ." Ideas begin to crowd upon other ideas as their creative imagination floods their environment.
Young children seldom say, "I can't pretend," "I can't draw," "I can't create." Then listen to them when they become adults: "Where can I find a book of ideas for a party?" "I can't draw a straight line," "Let's face it, I'm just not original," "I can't this" and "I can't that." It becomes quite obvious that something happens to children as they grow up which robs them of this precious sense of imagination. Parents should search out the creative-squeezers, ash- can them, and then actively build the right kind of atmosphere. There is a bonus for our children if we do. Besides the advantages of a creative life which are self-evident, research is proving that cre- ative outlooks contribute to a longer life; it's a fact!
The best illustration I know of the early tugs and pulls of creativity was when our son, Tommy, first went to kindergarten. He came home with a "pic- ture" that most of us would call a scribble. I used one of the most important sentences a parent should learn in aiding creative growth through art, "Tell me about your picture." Tommy immediately launched into an excited discussion of his picture of a turkey.
A second good pointer for the parent is simply to show a sincere interest in the child's work. Tommy's scribble of a turkey was very meaningful to him, and
I understood it enough and recognized the growth he was gaining to enjoy it thoroughly. Tommy sensed that I genuinely liked it. The turkey picture was also pinned to the wall in the home. These few things plus the important fact that he had a teacher who understood children and their art expression, stirred Tommy enough that when I came home the next evening, Tommy met me at the door with a stack of turkey drawings almost a half inch thick. We had an enthusiastic creator on our hands.
Then Tommy went to Sunday School. As a reward for the children's attention to the lesson the teacher let them draw. She had prepared, some Thanksgiving turkeys for the children to color-in. When Tommy came home with another turkey for his collection, his picture was only partly Tommy's. He had not created the turkey; he had only mechanically filled in shapes. We sent Tommy for his crayons and paper and then urged him to draw a turkey as he did at school. For five minutes he sat looking at the crayons without drawing, then I finally said, "What's the matter, Tommy?"
He replied, "Daddy, turkeys are too hard to draw." Too hard to draw! Just a few days before he had been drawing turkeys with a keen sense of enjoy- ment. Each line of his drawing had meant turkey; it was no fill-in process. What had happened? In only half an hour a "coloring book" technique had shaken his confidence, had promoted a stereotype expression, had crimped his creative outlook.
"Paint by number" sets, tracing books, etc., may keep children busy, but they are destroyers of indi- vidual expression and creativity. Research studies at Pennsylvania State University give strong evidence of these negative powers. Many commercial games, art kits, and toys are marked "educational" with more interest on the sales dollar than on child growth. Creative growth cannot be developed in conformity.
Avoid craft kits and drawing outfits that give uniform results. Seek, rather, such activities as cre- ative dance classes. In such classes students learn deep sensitivities, and when they perform there is a rich individuality. Creative dance is one of the very best activities for children. There are too many advantages in modern dance to limit this creative expression to girls.
When the young child finds difficulty in his draw- ing, the best approach is to increase the child's experience. Tommy's turkey tumble was a good place to bring in the whole family. I remembered seeing a turkey ranch in a neighboring community, so we all trooped out to the family car and drove over to see the turkeys. All of us learned much. I was sur- prised how sociable the turkeys were as they gathered
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around us. When we would say "hello," they imme- diately responded with a loud chorus of turkey sounds. The children were delighted with the friendly response. Tommy was fascinated with the "thing by its nose that wiggles when he goes gobble gobble." When we returned home and suggested that the children draw what interested them most on the trip, Tommy was ready to draw again, and his picture had a bright red wiggly scribble by the beak. No one needed to tell him how to draw it, he simply inter- preted his experience.
Creative growth is not a "this-is-how-to-do-it" affair. The important springboard, again, is a vital experi- ence. Children do not learn in a vacuum. The family provides a natural stimulation for meaningful experiences; caring for baby, arrival of a new puppy, raking the leaves (as a family project, not just jobs- something we care for and do together) to Grandma's on Thanksgiving, a summer picnic or trip. . . .
The school, church, and neighborhood are powerful shapers of children. Sometimes very capable teachers have had limited experience in creative activities. When stereotype work comes home from outside sources, be concerned but don't grab a ball bat and head for the teacher. Children need to feel that they are understood and so do teachers. Sometimes it is the parents that need to learn; go with an open mind. If you feel you have a case, perhaps, with tact, you might suggest that the teacher read chapter IL Lowen- f eld's, Creative and Mental Growth. ( Macmillan. )
We have tried to show our children that there is no accomplishment or achievement from a coloring book; anyone can do that. They have not been for- bidden to use them, but they quickly learned that we are enthusiastic about art work or other activities that are their own creations, when they have met the "do it your own way" test in a meaningful manner.
Family night is a special opportunity.
Feature games as "I'm going on a trip, and I'm going to take. . . ." Give new twists to it. How many things can they take starting with the letter "A," then move on to higher levels. If you were Robinson Crusoe on this trip and your island only had bamboo, how many things could you make out of this material? Have the children name all the possible uses for some common items as a toothpick, a window screen, a paper cup. Our family came up with the following uses for a toothpick: book mark, cake tester, fingernail cleaner, designs, toy log cabin or Japanese house, cleaner for small cracks, fill loose screw holes, hold marshmallows together for table decorations, swab
stick with cotton, pin two pieces of paper together, wick for a broken candle, chopsticks for Chinese dolls, game of pick-up sticks, pick up dead flies and bugs, eyelashes for lady snow men, pinch tweezers, logs for doll house fireplace, write on cakes, puzzles, hold hot finger food, clay tool, punch air holes in paper cover for bug bottles, sandwich holders, learn counting of numbers. It is amazing how such a simple game as this over a period of time can develop imagination.
If the family enjoys television, perhaps an imagina- tive twist might be developed. Try turning the set off ten minutes before the scheduled ending and have the children discuss how many ways the show might end. Let the children know the plan in advance so they will not be absorbed in the loss of their show. (This technique also may reveal to the children how mediocre the plots are of many types of programs.) Perhaps the family might leave the room except for one child and after the imaginative endings are dis- cussed by the family, the separated person could return and tell what did happen for a comparison.
Serious problems may also be tackled. Ideas are usually best developed in groups. A few general guides in group idea, searching or problem solving, are to have everyone throw every possible idea into the hopper; don't let anyone say anything negative; don't evaluate at first. One idea will lead to another as each person throws in his thinking. After all the ideas are in, then start to think for the first time on which is most workable.
Our best family experience was a 27,000-mile camp- ing trip. There were many nights when all eight of our family squeezed into one car with all our gear for a night's sleep while the rain poured outside. This project involved enough problems to stretch all 27,000 miles. We solved them together. Mother's imagina- tion devised a clothes dryer out of the car's defroster. Ricky solved the impossibility of how all eight could sleep inside. Betty Jeanne somehow added a violin into an overstuffed luggage compartment. The door handle was her music stand. Dad found Scotch tape the best flea catcher. Two nails and a ladder made an easel. Sweat shirts were pajama tops in cold weather. The problem of hot water was a toughie, but we found that problems became fun as we tackled each difficulty as a family. We kept finding reasons for being grateful, especially for being together. We saw many wonderful things on the trip, but the learn- ing to adapt to minimum needs was a most valu- able experience.
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Grandmothers and
Grandfathers
BY LUCILE D. SMITH
1'962 UTAH MOTHER OF THE YEAR
• When I think of grandmothers, the image of my own dear grandmother comes to my mind. It was she who gave me the concepts of gentleness, love, charity, and service to others. She instilled the deeper mean- ings of family life, especially that of belonging to a family, when my own mother was taken while I was still young.
My grandmother was a part of the Relief Society presidency for two decades. She let me accompany her when visiting the sick, the dying, or when she had a little food or clothing tucked away in a box or pan for those less fortunate and needy. She in- structed us in finding and cutting asparagus, and drove us to the homes of the destitute, that we might learn the joy of giving and the rewards of their appre- ciation and thankfulness. It was her home that was always full of this one or that one needing to go to school, or desiring shelter, or just a bit of her seemingly endless supply of good food, comfort, and encouragement,
My grandmother always let us roam the garden, the orchard, the barns, and gather the eggs and run the errands. She sent someone to help us satisfy our curiosity and desires to explore and to be our
guardian while we hunted the wild flowers on the steep banks or by the river. She allowed me to play the piano hour after hour, when the playing was faltering and imperfect. She never forgot to encour- age and find the improvements and to find a little new music from a hiding place for that special learning interest.
Grandmother seemed to take full responsibility when there was distress or sickness. She gathered up the measles, the chickenpox, the sore throats, the fevers, and energetically administered the plasters, the purges, the toddies, the poultices, and the appro- priate heat cures current at the time. Eventually we were all well again.
My grandmother's home was always clean. She knew how to use the resources of her seven daughters and two sons and hired help in keeping the house and yard in spotless condition. There were no pickets missing in the fence; the garden was weeded; the animals were sleek and fat. Her beautiful flowers and the peacocks were reminders of a home in verdant England.
Hardship, privation, and sacrifice had made her kind, forgiving, and (Continued on page 298)
APRIL 1963
2S9
Your Values Become You
BY VIRGINIA F. CUTLER, dean, college of family living, brigham young university.
• You will find greater meaning to your life if you are pursuing goals that have significant value for you. The pursuit will make you more vital, more awake, and there will be a blossoming of inner talents and abilities that will shine out in your countenance. Yes, your values become you. Look into the faces of elderly people, and you will see lifetime values in- delibly imprinted there. Young faces are beautiful to look at, but if you want to study character and become wise in the meaning of lifetime values, get better acquainted with your elders. It is also worth- while to study cultural groups different from your own in order to see contrasting value systems at work and to observe the results of thinking otherwise.
Margaret Mead made a study during the thirties of tribes in different areas of New Guinea and found tremendous contrasts in these populations because of different value systems. The Arapesh were a peace- ful, co-operative, kind, social-loving people, because these values were infused into the life of every child from the time of its birth. In fact, the feeling of relatedness and concern for others started long before birth. A young betrothed girl would go to the home of her future husband and become part of the family. The young boy was then responsible to "grow" his wife. He grew or killed food for her and learned to guard and protect her. After the marriage the two of them "grew" the child during the period of preg- nancy and through the years following birth. What they did or refrained from doing all went into the development of their offspring. Their energy, physi- cal exertion, and skill were so incorporated into growing their children that the very self of each be- came part of the others.
In the social scheme, food was grown by one person and given to another. A farmer would walk miles with his coconut saplings to plant them on the house sites of others. He gave his pigs to relatives in distant villages. He hunted only to give his kill away. The lowest form of humanity was the man who used the products of his industry for himself. Thus every morsel consumed had been the medium of social participation and contained social value. Any surplus food was always the occasion for inviting others to a
feast. If a man walked alone through the jungle, he carried society with him to the extent that what he saw was not a plant or a piece of wood, but something for his neighbor's garden and for a relative's house. The principle of growing a wife and child extended to the community, inducing an unselfish concern for all others, the evidence of which was discernible on the elderly faces and could be observed in the behavior of all ages in the society.
As contrasted with the gentle, peace-loving, family- loving Arapesh, the Mundagumors— who lived on an- other part of the same island— were mainly con- cerned with acquiring more land and possessions. They were aggressive and constantly at war with each other and with neighboring tribes. Their inheritance system induced a competitive spirit that engendered family hatred. Most marriages started with violence; children were conceived in hate; mothers were angry when pregnant; they rejected their offspring, particularly if they were girls, and children learned early to fight for their lives. This unfriendly, hostile behavior continued into adulthood, and those who survived to grow old had the imprint of their way of life on their faces.
Latter-day Saint leaders and early members of the Church had their roots in New England soil. Values that had been tested and found good in laying the foundation for a great country were also values im- portant for carrying forward the work of a great Church. The social heritage stemming from the New England value system facilitated the living of gospel principles and enriched Mormon family and com- munity life for more than a century. Pioneer parents taught their children to do the work of the home and farm, to care for animals, to grow food, to make clothing, to preserve food for winter, to keep the home neat and clean, to make special preparations for Sunday climaxed by the Saturday-night bath, pop- corn, stories, and prayers, and all went to church together on the Sabbath day.
Technological changes of the past fifty years have caused a "culture quake," and families today are caught in a dilemma. Year-around roads, two cars in the garage, a gadget to (Continued on page 286)
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Marriage,
a Growing
and Becom ing
BY J. JOEL MOSS
PROFESSOR OF HUMAN DEVELOPMENT AND FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS, BYU
• "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Gen. 2:24.)
Jesus gave us a model when he prayed that his disciples would be "one." He did not mean "one person," but one in thought and purpose and in dedica- tion to something greater than themselves.
This model calls for marriage to be a commitment— a dedication of a man and woman to create the situations which allow the best in each to grow. Thus each partner develops his potentiality, and a unity, joy, and "oneness" results which is greater than either could create alone. Such a partnership is not for children. It requires persons mature enough honestly to dedicate themselves.
Marriage partnerships grow in beauty and magni- tude through creative interaction in which each per- son invests his personal values freely and without fear of consequences. Creatively to interact, one must be willing to be "transformed" or "changed." Surely one would have to feel a great sense of dedication to invest himself so completely in such a partnership.
Creative interaction is achieved to the degree that each partner strives to:
1. Be emotionally honest with himself and partner.
2. Creatively listen and communicate with the partner.
3. Display the appreciation felt for the partner.
Being Emotionally Honest
What does it mean to be emotionally honest? Basically, it requires recognition of several facts:
1. Each marriage partnership builds around its own set of magnetic forces.
2. Each marriage has forces which could push it apart.
3. Growth in the partnership depends on our acceptance of the consequences of our choices.
4. The only person I can really change is myself.
5. Every married pair needs help at times.
Not all husbands and wives are held to each other by the same forces. One wife may feel a magnetic pull from her husband's courtesy; another may be held by his spiritual strength; another, by his business acumen. One husband may find an appeal in his wife's vitality; another, in her neatness; another, in her ability to organize. Each marriage has its roots in the multiple magnets which bind the couple, to- gether. Recognition of this strength is significant in making a partnership grow.
Being human, we marry the "humanity" of our partners as well as their angelic qualities. From our humanity come drives which make us want to feel
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THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
significant. A man who has very definite ideas strives to dominate a relationship, but a dominating indi- vidual sometimes annoys a partner who is trying to grow in poise and self-confidence. Our humanity requires that we learn to accept the consequences of our choices.
The sooner we can recognize the nature of our marital magnets and the opposing force of our human characteristics and accept their reality, the quicker we are willing and prepared to open ourselves for transformation. The only person I can change is myself. All I can do for another is lovingly to create the situations under which he may feel free and safe and may desire to transform himself.
Perplexing situations arise for all married couples. It isn't easy to be honest with oneself, let alone with one's partner; hence, every couple needs help at times. The first source for such help is God. But he isn't going to change a partner or the situation. More likely he will require us to step back and objectively analyze ourselves to see how we can better create the situations in which growth may be achieved. And, while doing so, he will give us a feeling of being loved and supported even if we are wrong.
Friends and counselors are a second source of help. Sometimes we get so mixed up we need help in getting an honest perspective. Those who tell us what to do are usually only temporarily helpful. Those who can give us a supportive feeling while helping us more clearly see our situation and choose among our alternatives are genuinely helpful. They help us to be honest and unleash the potentialities for development deep within us.
Creative Listening and Communication
What is required in the way of understanding and communicating with a partner?
1. Recognition that we are frequently biased in our point of view.
2. Creative listening to catch meaning behind the words communicated.
3. An atmosphere in which honest feelings can be more readily shared.
4. More wisdom in our approach to problems.
We tend to see and hear what we want to see and hear. Thus, our view of a situation is often biased. To correct this, we must seek to recognize our biases and listen more intently when a partner tries to com- municate. No marriage partner is as possessed of a certain characteristic as a partner believes— no wife is as beautiful as husband thinks she is; no husband is as thoughtless as a wife may think he is.
If I see a person as being "bossy," is there some- thing inside me that makes me want to see that person as "bossy"? This is why we must creatively listen to the message behind the words being spoken. Creative listening implies a desire genuinely to under- stand the other person's point of view. This could well be the meaning in Jesus' teaching that if we'll take the beam out of our own eye, then we can more clearly see the mote in the eye of another.
For example, a wife went to her lawyer and asked for a divorce, saying she wanted really to hurt her husband. "Then," said her lawyer, "I suggest that you go back home for six months and do everything you can to please your husband. Feed him his favorite meals, be attentive, and do all the little things he asks. In six months you will be in a posi- tion really to hurt him! Come back then, and we'll get your divorce!"
A year later the lawyer met the woman on the street and said, "I thought you were coming back to get a divorce." The woman replied, "I went home and did all you said, and I changed my mind. My husband is a completely different man!"
Communication requires not only creative listening but also the creation of an atmosphere wherein inner- most feelings and desires can be freely shared. Too frequently we approach a partner with "something's got to be done," "why don't you," or "you're not being fair" phrases which often put a partner on the defensive.
A better approach may be to invite the partner to help you find a solution to "your" problem. If a wife is disturbed because a husband comes home late to dinner, this is her problem, not his! (His problem is her reaction to his lateness and perhaps his lack of ability to budget his time.) An invitation to join in a search for solutions asks for appreciative con- sideration and is more likely to get a favorable response because two people are looking for answers— not someone to blame!
At times, we forget to use wisdom in approaching problems. We try to solve them when we are tired or when we're all stirred up inside. Discussion under the heat of anger or the pressure of fatigue or worry does not produce creative interaction. Instead, it tends to invite a battle of words— attack and counter- attack. We would achieve much more if we would cool off and try to get a better view of the situation before discussing it.
Expressing Appreciation for a Partner
Life shouldn't be just a matter of solving problems. If we are to bring out (Continued on page 298)
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• Jennie Jo, our two year old, had been given the responsibility of "caring for" Grandma while the rest of the family enjoyed an evening ice skating. When we returned to Grandmother's home to pick her up, we could hear the gay, lilting strains of "111 Be Seeing Nellie Home." Quietly approaching the front door so as not to disturb, we saw our little girl gayly whirling and swaying to the energetic and gay har- monica accompaniment being played by her eighty- six-year-old grandmother. What a picture! How wonderfully happy they were as they shared together the joy and delight of this musical moment.
Reflectively, my husband Mark recalled how well he had learned to respect his mother's musical barometer as she whistled about her breakfast chores. // it were a gay and happy tune, it meant he could expect an understanding ear and a warm "yes" to any request or if she were quiet or a sad melody was heard, it was better that he wait and approach her another time. He remembered the piano lessons. They had all been exposed, and his sisters had done well, both serving in their time as Sunday School and choir accompanists.
Everything special that happened in Mark's little
Music for the Home
RUTH HARDY FUNK
CHURCH CORRELATION COMMITTEE
264
THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
home-town involved music— the band concerts before the baseball games, the MIA roadshows, school operas, ward reunions, and the operettas. How they loved their holidays and celebrations which always ended in a rousing community sing and the village dance. Christmas sparkled with a harmonic mixture of sounds— the ringing of sleighbells as they rode along in the bobsleigh joyously singing the carols and finally the annual Christmas cantata when they heard again the full, rich glory of Sister Eskelson's voice as it soared right up to heaven. Music had been an im- portant part of Mark's life— a very good part.
My childhood also had been filled with music. Father loved to play the piano and sing and was never fully happy until we were all singing along with him. Dishwashing wasn't nearly as painful when we were "hamming up" or improvising on an operatic aria.
Our lives literally bulged with music— hours of practice, rehearsals, and accompanying for MIA and ward performances, recitals, concerts. What a thrill it was to have a reception at our home, following a concert of a visiting artist.
Our musical "jam" sessions must have been
"murder" to the ear but great to be a part of as we came together in our home and made music. One greatly anticipated family outing was our attendance each New Year's day at the great Salt Lake Taber- nacle to hear the Messiah. There is so much to cher- ish—so much to remember, musically, as a family.
Now that we have our own family, we, as all parents, want to fill our home with as much beauty and joy as possible. We want our children to have vivid and delightful memories of their fun together- fun with music.
On one occasion we had been traveling and singing for many hours when our young son said, "I like it best when we're all together, singing in the car— we're so close and happy— this is being a real' family." Family togetherness— singing together, harmonizing, creating descants and obligatos, composing silly jingles and lyrics to well-known melodies, improvising rhythm accompaniments. The height of our "car concert" comes when Daddy sings, "Little Purple Pansies" with all the bravado and flourish that might attend a Melchior performance. As enjoyable diver- sion from singing is to clap rhythm patterns of well- known songs for the others to guess.
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Rounds are favorites and nothing tops the challenge of a "crazy choir" when we divide up and sing two or three songs at the same time that harmonically "mesh" such as "Swanee River," "Annie Laurie," and "Put on Your Old Gray Bonnet." Often we reach into the glove compartment of the automobile for our little treasury of fun songs.*
Home nights are generously showered with music. Each member of the family takes his turn in being responsible for the music. Our Mia Maid daughter has taught us the songs she learned at MIA camp this summer. Under the direction of our Cub Scout we have made and played on a "bottle band" as- sembled from bottles of various sizes from the smallest medicine bottle to a gallon vinegar jug filled with water in graduated amounts. Our ingenuity was challenged when each member was asked to make an instrument from implements or items found in the house. A saw, washtubs, kettle lids, wooden spoons, broom handles, straws, elastics, wires, combs, and tissue paper were all brought into vibration to effect a most amazing orchestra as we played to the vigorous strains of "The Anvil Chorus."
An inexpensive musical instrument, such as a har- monica, jews harp, ukulele, bazooka, and toy ac- cordion, was found in each of our stockings one Christmas morning and provided many delightful hours of future family fun.
We have been the joyous recipient of a choice family tradition provided by a neighboring family of twelve who come "a-carolling" every Christmas Eve.
We want our children to know the joy of accom- plishment, the satisfaction of self-expression, the excitement of creating something beautiful. Music offers endless opportunity for such rewards. Plato said, "Musical training is a more potent instrument than any other because rhythm and harmony find their way into the inward places of the soul."
As far as the budget allows, we are offering music lessons to our children and an opportunity to develop and use their talents. Although the practical prob- lems are at times overwhelming, it is well worth the effort. A cherished dream is being realized with my daughters as we explore and play the master- works written for the violin, cello, and piano. There is a warmth, a unity, and a harmony of both sound and soul that permeates this togetherness.
Occasionally we invite another family to share our home evenings. With members of both families con- tributing to the program, we are realizing choice
experiences and developing sweet associations. Often these gatherings conclude with the singing of hymns which provide an inner-glow and a deeper under- standing of our relationship to our Heavenly Father.
We encourage and support each other as we partici- pate in school, civic, and church musical events. Wonderful friendships are made and hours of whole- some activity are enjoyed through these opportunities, and we are realizing greater self-assurance, poise, and self -discipline.
We want to grow as a family toward a greater appreciation for all that is beautiful and worthwhile. Much of this enrichment and joy will come through music. Our children have been aware of their musical environment since they were a few months old. As soon as they are able to walk, we have watched their spontaneous rapture as they responded with their whole little beings to the rhythmic delight of happy music such as Herbert's, "March of the Toys." Some of their most treasured possessions are their own records which they have learned to care for and play on an inexpensive record player provided for their use when they are only a few years old. It is gratifying to watch their tastes and interests for different types of music grow and increase. We all share the excitement of a new record as though it were a new friend. It is a thrill to have our five year old say, "Mommy, please play that pretty record
that goes like " (and she hums the opening
strains of Tschaikowsky's "Pathetique Symphony" ) . To return home and find your fifteen-year-old daughter listening to a Tabernacle Choir album after several weeks of unshakable devotion to "twist" tunes is a heartwarming experience.
The joyful anticipation our children had for the next Leonard Bernstein program with the New York Philharmonic was gratifying. Each week we post a list of choice TV and radio programs that would be wonderful "family listening." As a family we at- tended the symphony concert last year that featured talented young musicians in our city. It was a most rewarding evening, and for one whole week we didn't have to remind our children to practise.
It is hoped that through music our lives will become more meaningful and that through this appreciation we will gain a deeper awareness of the spiritual values in life and the reality of the goodness of God who has given to us this glorious medium of music through which we might better understand one another, live harmoniously together, and worship him.
"MIA— Let's Sing available at the MIA General Offices.
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THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
The Family Dollar
ROBERT H. DAINES
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF BUSINESS MANAGEMENT, BYU
# Money is, perhaps, more difficult to manage than it is to earn. Good management of finances is a prob- lem faced by nearly all families, regardless of income level. The complexity of this problem has caused more than 300 colleges and universities since 1940 to introduce courses in personal finance.
How can a young family with limited income possibly afford enough insurance to provide real protection? In borrowing $50 you can pay as much as 1,040 percent per annum or as little as 5 percent. In buying a $15,000 home, one type of mortgage can cost over $1,500 more than another. Will you know the difference when you come to buy? The govern- ment urges you to save by buying United States savings bonds; mutual funds urge that you place your savings with them; the New York Stock Exchange and its member firms urge you to save and invest regularly in common stocks. What should you do if you can't do all three? These and other perplexing financial choices are encountered and dealt with, either competently or poorly, during our lifetime.
Most important in managing family income, how- ever, is a deeper understanding of our feelings regard- ing its value. Once we begin to understand and manage these feelings, it is much easier to man- age funds.
People see different (Continued on page 306)
L
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Family Hours
LUCELLE AND HARVEY I_. TAYLOR, vice-president, byu
• Moments to remember, stories, games, laughter, songs, show-and-tell, quiet times with sacred books, favorite snacks, family circle in prayer, warm good nights, lights out, peace, and untroubled sleep— these are family hours.
Children need most of all to be loved. Money and the things money can buy will never take the place of companionship with parents and brothers and sisters doing things together, sharing, listening, telling. These bring families close together in love and under- standing. The purpose of family life is God-given and carries a sobering challenge to work together, play together, and worship together.
Family hours in which every member has some part, when he or she is made to feel important and wanted, can become a great spiritual force in the home, giving children a feeling of security, responsi- bility, and direction. If the family pattern is strong, children will be strong; and when faced with the responsibility of making their own decisions, they will usually act according to the family pattern.
Family hours need not always be of the formal type where a time is set and activities carefully planned. Informal councils such as talking over plans, experiences, and problems can be "round-table" talks after dinner. At least one meal a day should be a special time of enjoyment where all members of the family sit down at a table together. Relaxing and spontaneous family talk after a good meal is the surest and best medicine to cure the all-American rush and dash problem. Special family councils should be called to plan for family nights, for family events, for school, missions, etc. There may be times when only the family members involved need to be a part of the council. The most important factor in
any council is to make sure everyone feels free to express his ideas even though he knows they may cause some discussion and disagreement. Some of the happiest family hours are built around snacks in the kitchen after special events or contests with darts and a target in the back yard, croquet, and even beanbags and a hoop. Best of all, perhaps, are the quick picnics to the desert, lake, or mountains when Dad surprises us by coming home a little early, and the lunch is anything that happens to be in the refrigerator. The beauty of a sunset, willow whistles, hikes, bonfires, games, stories, and the ride back with everyone leading out in his favorite song are memories that are filled with the rich fulness of belonging to a family.
From the earliest beginning of the Church, our leaders have encouraged family hours. So that more emphasis can be placed on family togetherness, stake and ward meetings are no longer held on most fast Sunday nights, with instructions that families are to meet together to participate in activities in harmony with the spirit of the Sabbath.
"But what can we do?" said John, an active four- teen-year-old, to his parents. Perhaps these sugges- tions might help John find something to do that will be interesting, instructive, and fun. Many members of the family can participate in the following sug- gested programs by presenting certain phases of a topic. These can be made especially inviting to adolescent boys and girls. They can do the research, find pictures, make the presentation, and conduct discussions. This procedure is highly recommended since it gives adolescents an "I-am-needed" feeling.
A Night with the Presidents of the Church— with pictures, stories of their early childhood, church serv-
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THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
s
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ice, choice statements from speeches, remarks from funeral services, place buried, etc.
Our Twelve Apostles (a subject for several home nights)— with pictures of Christ and the first apostles, followed by pictures ( if available ) of all apostles since 1830— especially those of our present twelve apostles- including information about when called, years of service, stories of early life, and choice statements. Building the Kirtland Temple— a. wonderful story little known by members of the Church today.
Nauvoo (especially good now that the Church is planning to restore much of this once beautiful city ) — with maps showing locations, story of destruction of the temple, and persecution of the Saints.
Handcarts to Zion— the wonderful story of the hun- dreds who crossed the plains, walking, pushing, and pulling.
The Story of Our Hymns— a. wonderful evening can be built around the story of "Come, Come, Ye Saints," "O My Father," "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief," "Carry On," and many others.
Temples of the Lord— with pictures of each temple in order of completion, and stories about each. Dis- cussion on purposes of temples, temple marriage, and work for the dead will grow out of this activity. Other suggestions for Sunday evening family hours:
The Mormon Army (Mormon Battalion)
The Great Immigration
Missions of the World
Mormons as Colonizers
Mormons in Politics
Mormons and the Arts
A Theatre in the Mountains ( Salt Lake Theatre )
Mormon Writers
Mormons Serve Their Country
Outstanding Mormon Women
Mormons and Education
The Primary Story (Children's Hospital)
The Relief Society Story
The Story of the MIA
The Sunday School Story
Early Home Life of Pioneer Families
Latter-day Saint Hospitals
Story of the Welfare Plan
There are many other interesting and thrilling stories about Mormon life and activities that would be appropriate. These could well be those not com- monly known or discussed in regular classes. A little careful research and preparation could make any of these programs adaptable to almost any age or to any mixed group of a variety of ages.
Through careful preparation, family hours need never be dull. Surely, they merit as careful planning as regular breadwinning, social, or church activities, for sometimes even more will be at stake.
For family hours any time, the following are sug- gested as those programs proven most successful by many family groups:
Back-Yard Fun
Fireplace Memories
Tell Me a Story
Family Picnics
Into the old Costume Chest
(a dress-up party)
Mother and Dad's Anniversary
Family Birthdays
A Halloween Party
Plant-Something Party
Lincoln's Birthday (Continued on page 290)
APRIL 1963
269
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Let 5 Improve Our Family Communications
BY WILLIAM G. DYER, associate professor of sociology, byu.
• Communication is a means to an end— not an end in itself. We can use communications to hurt, punish, and offend; or we can use communications to bind together, increase love, and maximize joy. The great skill is not to get people to communicate more but to communicate wisely and effectively. Too many families already communicate too much of the wrong things, and to encourage them to communicate more of the same would compound the disaster.
The purpose of this article is to help families be- come more unified, closer, and more meaningful, also to understand and use the vehicle of communication as a means to achieve this important end.
Unintended Communication
Very simply, communication is the process whereby one person by the use of symbols (words, actions, gestures, etc. ) gets others to understand how he thinks and feels. But sometimes we send out signals, unin- tentionally, that let people know how we feel when we might have preferred to keep those feelings hidden.
A problem in most families is that in certain areas the communication system is too good; that is, more is communicated than is really intended. We marvel at the sensitivity of the gleaming fingers of the radio antenna and their ability to pluck sound waves from the air. But marvelous, too, is the sensitivity of a little child whose receptors are able to pick up all kinds of messages. One study of little babies found that if a baby was fed orange juice by a nurse who did not like orange juice, that in a short time the baby also would not drink orange juice. However, if the nurse liked orange juice, so did the baby. Some- how, the nurse was able to communicate to the child her distaste for orange juice via tenseness, grimacing,
shuddering at the sight of the baby drinking the "nasty stuff."
If babies are sensitive enough to pick up from the nurse how she feels about orange juice through her subtle body actions, what messages do you think children are receiving from parents in the following make-believe incidents?
Case 1. Father talking to mother in the car on the way home from Sacrament meeting: "What a boring meeting that was. I don't know the last time we had a really good speaker. I'd have gained more from staying home and reading a good book."
Father to son, a week later: "What! You don't want to go to Sacrament meeting? I can't understand that. You never see me staying home from a Sacra- ment meeting!"
One might guess that the father, unintentionally, has really communicated to his children his true feel- ings about Sacrament meetings; namely, that one should go to Sacrament meeting out of a sense of duty, no matter what, but a good Sacrament meeting ( not found very often ) is one where there is a speaker who is interesting and entertaining (to father).
Another interpretation of the above case may be that the father may have both positive and negative feelings about going to Sacrament meeting. He may have enjoyed the singing, appreciated taking the Sacrament, but disliked the speaker. However, his pattern of communication, developed over a long period of time, is to talk only about the things he dislikes, thus his children may be unaware of the other feelings he may have.
This is one illustration of the dilemma of un- balanced communication— the father has communi- cated too much about his negative feelings and
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271
too little about his positive feelings.
Case 2. Father to daughter: "I think you ought to read more of the church publications. After all, we spend good money so you can have The Improve- ment Era."
Father to mother the next day: "Any mail today? Oh, just The Improvement Era? We haven't had any important mail for a long time."
Children pick up all of the communicative symbols the parents give off— not just the words spoken directly to them. In Case 2, the father's intentions in his direct communication with his daughter are to en- courage her to read church literature more, but his unintended communication tells her that he really thinks such material is not too important, as compared with other matters.
Case 3. Son to father: "Dad, will you come and help me fix my wagon?"
Father: "Just a minute, son, I'm busy right now reading the evening paper."
Later. Father: "Son, come and eat— it's time for dinner."
Son: "Just a minute, Dad, I'm fixing my wagon."
Father: "Not in 'just a minute'— when I call you I want you to come right now."
What is the father unintentionally communicating to his son? The son perhaps hears that there are two standards— one for him and another for the father, or he hears that his father's newspaper is more im- portant than helping him with his problems. If you were to ask the father, "What is more important, your newspaper or your son's problems?" he would un- doubtedly insist that his son is more important. But in a number of subtle ways he has communicated to his son that the newspaper, or the TV program, or the golf game, etc., really come first in actual practice.
The above cases indicate that unintentionally we communicate to others our likes, dislikes, preferences, and disgusts. It would appear that at least one im- portant basis of "good" communication is not to learn how to say the words better, but to examine ourselves and begin to alter those attitudes, feelings, and reac- tions that we would not like to see fostered in our children.
Blocked Communications
One of the strange paradoxes of human interactions is that at the same time people are unintentionally communicating things about themselves to others, they are also being very careful to avoid, hide, camou- flage, or ignore other things about themselves and others, and in such areas there is little communica- tion—intentional or unintentional.
Case 4. Marriage counselor: "Mrs. C, what
seems to be the biggest problem you have with your husband?"
Mrs. G.: "Since we have been married, my husband is thoughtless and neglectful. He no longer praises me or tells me he loves me. He forgets birthdays and anniversaries. He doesn't perform the courtesies and niceties that I would enjoy so much."
Counselor: "Have you ever told your husband how you feel?"
Mrs. G.: "I should say not. If he isn't understanding enough to sense how I feel, I'm certainly not going to say anything. Besides, if I did, he would just get angry and tell me off."
This case illustrates one of the great human prob- lems. In all kinds of situations people have their feelings hurt by others. They are disappointed, upset, irritated, but they take great pains to hide these feelings from those who would benefit from knowing how they really feel. One would guess that in the case above, the wife gives off certain signals, inten- tionally or unintentionally, that let her husband know that she is upset. It is also quite possible that even though he knows she is upset, he doesn't know what he has done to cause this. It is almost impossible for a person to improve unless he knows what he has done that is wrong. Unfortunately, most conditions are like the dilemma of the person with bad breath— "even your best friend won't tell you."
Why don't people communicate more freely with each other? Why don't children tell their parents about the problems they are having? Why doesn't Mrs. G. tell her husband?
Perhaps as in Case 3, the parents have given off unintentional signals that make the child feel his problems are unimportant and will not be listened to. But more often the imagined consequences of telling another how we feel are too terrifying, and silence seems to be the safer course.
Case 5. Father to daughter: "No, you cannot take the car to pick up your girl friends and go to your MIA class party. You are still too young to drive at night. You can either walk or 111 drive you over, and if your teacher can't bring you home, you call and I'll come and get you. Also, since it's a school night, be sure to be home by 10:30."
Mary: "Oh, all right, Father." (To herself: Why is he so unreasonable? Here I am almost 17, and I'm the only one of our crowd who can't take the car at night. And it's embarrassing to have to leave the party— the earliest of anyone. He treats me like a baby.)
The outsider looking at this situation might say that both the father and the daughter have some legiti- mate points in their (Continued on page 292)
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THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
Teaching the Gospel in the Home
BY B. WEST BELNAP
PROFESSOR OF RELIGIOUS EDUCATION, BYU
AND REED H. BRADFORD
PROFESSOR OF SOCIOLOGY, BYU
• Teaching . . . Gospel . . . Home. Are there any other three words which have greater meaning for the individual than these? According to the Savior, obtaining eternal joy, salvation, and exaltation in the celestial kingdom is the basic objective of an indi- vidual's life. A person must understand the unity and love found in the gospel if he will partake of all the Lord would bestow upon him. The Savior said, "These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." (John 15:11.) The gospel, the home, and teaching provide each individual with a means whereby these objectives can be obtained.
The Lord has placed an important responsibility upon all parents. "And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents." (D&C 68:25.) How does one best fulfil this respon- sibility and opportunity? The following are some guideposts that might be helpful.
Partners. It is important for every parent to remem- ber that he is a partner with his Heavenly Father in rearing his children. All men and women on this earth are children of our Father in heaven. He is vitally interested in certain objectives for his children. An earthly parent should have some of the same objectives toward these children. For the earthly parent this means that he would try to make the gospel part of the lives of his children so that they might achieve eternal joy, salvation, and exaltation in the celestial kingdom.
Whom Can I Teach but My Friends? The relation- ship one has with another person has a great bearing on his capacity to affect his behavior in the ways desired by the Lord. Plato said, "Whom can I teach but my friends?" When one has a friendly or loving relationship with another individual, that individual is much more likely to accept suggestions than if he defines the relationship with indifference or hos- tility. The Savior said, "This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you." (John 15:12.)
Understanding. The parent seeks to understand his children. What is the level of their intelligence? At any given time, how much knowledge do they possess? Do they have personality problems that prevent them from learning efficiently? Only by knowing such things can a parent be effective in his teachings. It is always useful for him to try to put himself in his child's (Continued on page 294)
273
# Never has there been a time when there was so much interest in home decorating as at present, and never before has there been such an abundance of everything for the homemaker to choose from— regard- less of price.
It doesn't matter whether you are building a home, remodeling, redecorating or simply doing a little "face-lifting," the old caution that delicate-looking materials are impractical is eliminated. Colors can be pale and delicate yet be eminently practical. Fabrics can "look" like satin or taffeta yet wear like iron. Wall coverings can look elegant and yet be not only washable but scrubbable. The new vinyls for floors, walls, and furniture have revolutionized decorating, especially for growing families. Emphasis is on easy maintenance without regard to style or period. What a boon for the woman who craves beautiful things around her and has a half dozen rollicking youngsters.
We hear and read much these days about "the return to elegance." What is true elegance? Is it something reserved for the wealthy? One person expressed it this way, "Elegance is good sense ex- pressed beautifully." To many people, luxury and elegance are synonymous. This is not necessarily so. True elegance is not a superficial thing. It must stem from your personality and genuinely express you.
Learn to be discriminating in creating beauty around you. Beauty is essentially a personal affair. There are no rights or wrongs and remember that beauty and charm have no price tag. Beauty needn't wait to be afforded; it is everywhere if we but train our- selves to be aware. The less you have to spend the more it pays to be aware. Seeing beauty means being alert to color and form. It means developing a sense of composition, a feeling of how objects look when they are brought together, and what one color does for another. Creating beauty with simple every- day objects can be fun and challenging.
Everyone must have a place to live. The environ- ment which you create for yourself and your family is of utmost importance. As each individual is differ- ent and each family is different so the environment of each home should be different. Houses should be designed and furnished for particular people to live in; people ought not to be forced to adjust their lives to houses which do not fit their needs.
Where do you begin, to acquire a home? Take a careful look at yourself and at the members of your family and ask a number of important questions. How do you live? Are you gregarious, fun-loving, informal people who enjoy having friends drop in at any time? If you are, then you should choose a location that is convenient for people, not an isolated spot in the
Homes to Live in
BY PHYLLIS S. ALLEN
SPECIAL INSTRUCTOR, INTERIOR DECORATING, BYU
I
country. What about work and school? Does it irritate you to have to run a private bus service for the members of your family and their friends? If it does you should find a location near work and school. These are only two of a long list of questions you should ask yourselves before deciding where to live. When you have made this difficult decision, you are well on your way to having a home suitable for you.
Now what kind of house will you choose? If you are not familiar with the various styles, make a care- ful study in books, magazines, and your community to decide which type of house best suits your family's needs.
Study many floor plans. Before you decide on one, make a check list of some basic requirements. Is the plan functional? Does it rnee£ the needs of the individual members of the family? If the man of the house needs privacy for professional study is there adequate space for it? Is there a place for special hobby activities? Are working areas conveniently planned and located? Is there private space for family eating? Are living areas adequate for all members to enjoy together?
What about traffic lanes? Can the kitchen be reached from the front door and the back door without going through any rooms? Are hallways adequate and economical? Well-planned hallways are a wise
investment of space. A front entrance which allows for privacy of the living areas of a house contributes much to pleasant and tranquil living.
Is your plan economical— not only as to the initial cost but on a long range basis in terms of mainte- nance? Short-sighted economy can be very costly. For example, the best heating plant you can afford will be the most economical in the long run. Consult your builder about how to save money by using stock mill items.
Have you sacrificed space for frills? Space, well planned, is the most important element in maintaining a calm and peaceful atmosphere in the home. Too often so much money is spent on an ornate exterior and on costly interior details that space is sacrificed. Get as much space as you can afford; frills may be added later. You may even find that you have a better designed house for having had to cut down.
Is the house designed so that it can grow and change as the needs of the family change? If it is designed to meet both immediate needs and future probabilities it will likely be a successful undertaking.
Now with the location, style of house, and a live- able floor plan how do you proceed? Always keeping foremost in mind the needs, likes, and dislikes of the members of the family who will occupy the house, add the necessary (Continued on page 303)
^fv Living with
Children
BY BLAINE M. PORTER
CHAIRMAN, DEPARTMENT OF HUMAN DEVELOPMENT AND FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS, BYU
• For each of us, the experience of living with chil- dren becomes a separate and unique kind of venture. Each takes the ups and downs of family living in the nature of his own stride. In anticipation, many of us believe that living with children and assuming the responsibility of guiding and rearing them will be an easy, simple thing. In actuality, it is not. If we are serious and thoughtful about the tasks and challenges which confront us, we view parenthood as a complex adventure. As parents, we cannot escape moments of uncertainty and concern, moments of anxiousness and worry, moments of disappointment. These are a part of the picture as well as moments of eagerness and joy and fulfilment.
It is a privilege to live with children. From a Latter-day Saint point of view, our children are also God's children who are lent to us for a little while, during which time we have the pleasure of their com- pany and responsibility of guiding and training them properly. Stop and think of the confidence and trust which God must have in us to allow us the privilege of being responsible for his children. How many of us would be willing to give our children for twenty years to someone else to guide and rear and influence, to determine their values, their ways of behaving, their way of life? We would want to establish some very rigid standards for parents-to-be. How many of us could pass the test of our own standards?
Having children come into our homes, into our lives, is not only a privilege but also a great responsi- bility. We must be concerned about their well-being physically, intellectually, emotionally, socially, spirit- ually. It is a great challenge to be asked to meet the many needs of the growing individual, for human beings are complex and unique. With all the advance- ments of science we have not approached anything as complicated, as wonderful as the human being. If our children are to grow and develop into mature, well-adjusted, healthy adults, they must be cared for, nurtured, guided, and trained carefully. If they are to be found worthy to return to the presence of their Father in heaven, they must be led and directed so that they will follow the paths that will help them reach that destination. "But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth." (D&C 93:40.) Such objectives will not be achieved auto- matically or easily. They will come about as a result of serious preparation on the part of parents and by thoughtful, prayerful effort, consistently made and based on sound judgment and correct principles skil- fully applied. What can we do to fulfil our obligation more skilfully and to maximize the joy and satisfaction which can be associated with it?
Understanding Ourselves and Our Feeling about Children. The most important single factor which determines the domestic atmosphere that we offer our children is simply a desire to have them. It is easy to appreciate children when they are cute and lovable and good, but it is quite another thing to extend this appreciation even to those times when they are annoy- ingly underfoot and unreasonable. The best environ- ment that we can give our children during the early years of their lives consists of little more than this honest daily willingness to share their lives.
As parents we represent the world to our children. We cannot expect them to accept the rest of the population if we fail to give them any reason first of all to accept us. We almost have to devote the first few years of our children's lives to the task of inviting them into the world and encouraging their acceptance of it. Punishing them for their ignorance and clumsiness certainly cannot be expected to accom- plish this. Efforts must be made to explain their behavior as well as our own to them. Questions our children ask, however tedious and apparently silly, must be answered with honesty and interest. Their values as represented by the importance they may attach to some toy or activity must be respected with the same sincerity we expect of them. Moreover, we must encourage their self-expression and friendships up to the limits of our ability. Only then do we pre- pare our children properly for an emotionally satisfying life.
Understanding Children, In addition to under- standing ourselves, we cannot expect to become good parents without a workable set of principles con- cerning requirements of child guidance. We must understand our children in relation to their age: We must know the tempestuous two-year-old, the sweet and confiding four-year-old, the eight-year-old so de- voted to his gang, the moody and turbulent adolescent.
Finally, we must know each child as himself— a unique individual, sensitive and easily discouraged or tough-skinned and confident, retiring or aggressive, dreamy or practical, quick or slow. We must also be aware of the changes, the progress, and the back-sliding.
There are no rules governing all relationships with all children. There are only broad, basic principles which we interpret in terms of each child as an individual. If through information and knowledge we are able to gain greater understanding and deeper insight into ourselves and into our children, we will see our task of parenthood in a positive perspective. We will feel less need to condemn ourselves because of problems; and when (Continued on page 300)
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A 11 the World Is a Stage
BY FRANCES YOST
• "Here's an item of interest." Mike Thompson handed the evening paper to his wife Karma and pointed to an article on the stage and screen page.
Karma laid down the little stocking she was darning for Donny and read the headlines aloud. "Miss Rashell Ramone, popular actress of stage and screen will appear in person at the Reo Theatre for one matinee performance only."
There was more to the article, but Karma read the details silently. She dared not trust her voice/ for Mike was watching her, studying her face. If her voice should crack, or her eyes water, Mike would think she was sorry she had married him and given up her stage career. She had never exactly regretted her marriage to Mike, not really. It was just that she had planned a career like her friend Rashell and had fallen short. She wished she were successful and important. If she had only continued as Rashell Ramone had done!
Karma remembered the old days, when she and Rashell had been girlhood friends. Karma had planned to drop her simple Smith surname and be known as Karma Cornell. Rashell Jones had coined the name Rashell Ramone for herself. The girls had dreamed their dreams early in life. Both would be great performers on stage and screen, and their names would be in bright lights. Rashell had made those dreams come true, but Karma had dropped by the wayside and was now darning socks in front of a fireplace for a family of small children.
"Since your friend will be here for one matinee performance only, I think you two should get together for a good talk fest. You could invite her to the house and cook one of your perfect dinners," Mike suggested.
"Oh, Mike, you're sweet, but this house. . . ." Karma made a gesturing sweep of disapproval.
"Then get a sitter for the afternoon and take your friend to dinner downtown."
"Mike, if it were as simple as that. . . ." Karma groaned softly.
"If you're worrying about picking up the check, I have a crisp five spot right here." Mike withdrew a bill from his pocket.
"But Mike, even if this would cover the lunch,
which it no doubt won't, why there are other items. . . ."
"Stop off and buy yourself a new dress. You deserve a new one anyway."
"I'd need to have more than a dress, and I'd have to have my hair done, and . . ." Karma glanced at her broken fingernails, but didn't mention the needed manicure. She would do something about that herself.
"You've been saving for something, Karma, how about using some of your lay away?"
"I've been saving to buy you a new suit. You haven't had one since we. . . ."
"This is more important, Karma. You get what you need; my suit's good for a lot of Sundays yet."
"Oh, Mike, you're wonderful, and thoughtful, and I really shouldn't indulge, but I . . . I . . . just have to see Rashell, for old times' sake."
Karma shopped in several stores and at length decided on a two piece beige suit. The suit of course, begged for brown heels and purse and gloves, and a perky little hat, and a fresh white blouse. Karma felt guilty about buying so much for herself when they needed the money so badly for so many things. Why, she thought, I've spent on myself alone, almost enough to make a payment on our home, when I include the hair styling and the accessories. But every item is important, a must. Without these things I could never make myself look good enough to gather courage to even try to get in to see Rashell.
And now, here she was knocking at the door of a famous star's dressing room. Karma felt her heart trembling.
"Who is it?"
Yes, Karma recognized the voice. It had been a long time, and this voice had acquired a sophistication, but it was Rashell's voice which she heard through the closed door. Karma would have recognized that voice anywhere. Why she had helped her to develop the lovely tone quality when they had practised in the old summer stock barn theater years ago.
"Rashell . . . Miss Ramone. This is an old friend."
"I know no one. ... I am very busy."
"Rashell, it's Karma, Karma Smith," she said gayly. "You remember, (Continued on page 296)
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\
.. ,
Living with Leisure
ISRAEL C. HEATON
CHAIRMAN, DEPARTMENT OF RECREATION, BYU
«*
• Dr. A. Whitney Griswald, president of Yale Univer- sity, pointed to one of America's greatest challenges when he said: "A New Colossus has been formed by the millions of leisure hours developed out of the 40- hour work week. This Colossus has more leisure at his disposal than all the aristocracies of history. What will he do with it? Will he make of himself a full or exact man or will he be content to be merely a ready man— a measure of muscle and a shout from the mob? The choice lies before him. Who will help him make it?"
Robert M. Hutchins of the Ford Foundation and former president of the University of Chicago clearly described the concern we must have for leisure when he said: "If we survive, the leisure which the atomic age will bring may make peace more horrible than war. We face the dreadful prospect of hour after hour, even day after day with nothing to do." Be- cause of his concern for the way many Americans use their leisure, he goes on to say: "After we have read all the comic books, traveled all the miles, seen all the movies, and drunk all the liquor we can stand, what shall we do then?"
The late Harlow Shapely, famed astronomer, was greatly concerned with the problem of leisure when he listed boredom along with a pandemic plague, world warfare with super-weapons, sexually debilitat- ing dope, and the genius maniac as the five great threats to mankind.
Yes, we have leisure, and we're going to have even more of it. Leisure in and of itself is neither good nor bad. Its value lies in what each individual chooses to do with it. Leisure provides the only opportunity many persons will have to reap the satisfactions they seek in life. For the majority of
our population, assembly-line type work does not provide the satisfactions man desires. Leisure, rather than work, is becoming the factor which integrates the life of the average person.
America could be on the brink of a cultural revolu- tion. With leisure broadly distributed to all, it is interesting to think of what this could mean to those who would become artists, musicians, philosophers, poets, sculptors— creators in any one of scores of cultural pursuits. Just think of what it could mean in opportunity for service to our fellow men and to God's work! It also holds the key to our physical and mental fitness.
Leisure is the golden opportunity for strengthening family ties. With leisure broadly distributed in large, conveniently grouped hours, days, weeks, and even years (for our 16,000,000 persons now in retirement), what will it mean to America and to you? The an- swer lies with the home to a greater extent than with any other agency in our society.
If the researchers are right when they say that 70 percent of all hobbies are taught in the home by the parents and that 95 percent of all hobbies are begun before a person leaves high school, the responsibility of the family unit in teaching for living with leisure is obvious. On the other hand, we know what hap- pens when the family does not accept this responsi- bility. The Gluecks are able to predict with 95 percent accuracy, by determining family cohesiveness, whether or not children will ever face a juvenile court.
Is yours one of the families where family fun comes just by accident? Surely family activities can be planned better than that.
Where are you when you have the "time of your life"? Do you usually have more fun at home or away
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THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
from home? Does your family have its best time as a group or as individuals away from home with the crowd?
Startling answers were obtained not long ago from a poll taken among two thousand young people in one of our midwestern states. Eighty-six percent of the boys and 83 percent of the girls said they had more fun away from home. Most of them added they wished more fun were provided at home.
In today's changing times, the home is increas- ingly neglected because so many activities which were at one time confined to the home have become broader in scope. Perhaps it is not desirable or possible to return to the home all of the activities which were formerly there. However, as members of any religious group which is interested in the welfare of others, we believe that factors which influence the development of character and the form- ing of moral and social standards ought to be found in the home. Recreation is one of these factors.
Recreation always has been significant in the lives of healthy human beings. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has emphasized and en- couraged recreation more probably than any other organization. In the early days of its organization wholesome fun was sponsored by the Church. Brig- ham Young saw great value in recreation and counseled the Saints that if they could not find time for recreational pursuits, they should make the time.
The atmosphere of enjoying life in all its parts begins in the home. Home should always be the center, the motivation of the complete life. Children sent into the home are precious gifts from God, but they are also a responsibility for which parents are held accountable by civil law and, to an even greater
degree, by our Father in heaven. Most parents express a willingness to do all that ought to be done for their children, yet there are many failures. If problems were merely personal or private, they would be serious enough, but failure in the home becomes failure in the neighborhood, in the nation, and in the world.
Family ties must be strengthened if individuals and society are to enjoy the blessings of peaceful and abundant life. Family recreation in the home will strengthen these ties. To neglect the fellowship and play needs of the family is to neglect a vital part of living. It has been shown repeatedly that maladjust- ment in children and in many parents, too, decreases as family fun and fellowship increase.
Yet, many parents feel that good parents are those who provide "good things" for their children— books, bikes, piano lessons, clothes, television, sports equip- ment, and cars. Sometimes they forget, in their concern for tangible "things," that fun times and happy experiences are the childhood memories most likely to influence and remain with their children.
You don't inherit a child's love; you earn it. You earn it by giving unselfishly of yourself. Blood kin- ship alone will not hold people together, as shown by the countless lonely parents who have grown old giving "things" to their children only to find that their children have grown away from them. Families who enjoy reunions in later years are those who planted the seed of family unity in childhood, who worked, worshiped, and played together.
Family recreation like Christian living should not be confined to one day a week only. Although it is true that one day each week, special above the other days, should be set (Continued on page 305)
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The Family and Lifelong Learning
BY HAROLD GLEN CLARK
DEAN, ADULT EDUCATION AND EXTENSION SERVICES, BYU
• Lucky is the boy or girl born into a home where self-directed learning is encouraged early and is exemplified by mother, father, brothers, and sisters.
The real test of education is whether members of the family have taken the initiative in changing their behavior for good.
We learn something only to the degree that we live it. Some of the most significant learning takes place out of school and at all stages of our life. Self- education, where the learner plays an active role, should begin in the home. Qnce established, it is the most significant type of education when contrasted with the relatively passive role of attending a class for credit or following assignments imposed by others.
When a girl or boy is encouraged to take the initia- tive for learning, when a parent sets the example in clarity of thought, when every family member has a curious mind about God and his wonderful world, then the family has its feet firmly upon the pathway of lifelong learning.
On the Union Station in Washington, D.C., is this inscription: "He who would bring back the wealth of the Indies must carry the wealth of the Indies with him. So it is in traveling, if a man would bring back knowledge, he must carry knowledge with him."
The knowledge which will set a child or an adult in the way where he will find rich meaning in all he sees and hears is the knowledge that God our Father made the world and all that is in it. This knowledge will help create a burning desire to learn more of him and his world. If we have acquired faith and know how to think in early youth, we will learn more as we travel through each day.
Education is often interpreted by the family as so many courses taken in school. The person with credits or a degree is more educated than the person without such. What is your belief about the sig- nificance of learning which may take place in the home, in travel, and on the job, and at all ages of the life of man?
Your answer to this and the following questions may help you assess your belief in lifelong learning:
1. Does your family believe that if we teach one another "words of wisdom" out of the best books
that the grace of God will attend us? Do you have a library suited to all ages that is used constantly in your home?
2. Do you believe that the true end of all education is using your education in service to God and fellow men?
3. Do you take pride in thinking through a prob- lem? Do you believe in independence of mind and action, the dignity of personality, and responsible free agency for every member of the family?
4. When the members have free time, do they use it as an opportunity for creative tasks? Is time on your hands a burden or an opportunity to make new friends, gain new interests, and invent and build?
5. Do you believe in a balance of mind, spirit, and body? Do you enjoy the fine arts, stirring poetry, museums, drama, music, and fields other than your daily work?
6. Do you believe that alertness and an inquiring, believing mind may be acquired at an early age and retained and added to throughout life?
7. Do you believe that the mind and spirit need exercise and that reading, travel, stimulating conver- sation, letter writing, memorizing poems and scrip- tures, and doing genealogical research promote intelligent growth all through life?
The family that encourages creative learning and the joy of discovery and invention will build a family togetherness not found in homes where passive learn- ing takes precedence over self-directed learning.
Max Lerner said: "At the risk of shocking some people, I would like to say that a home without books and ideas can be almost as bad for a child as a broken home, an alcoholic home, or a criminal home, because it leaves a vacuum into which rush corrupting values."
Lucky indeed is the home where children are surrounded with an environment which helps them choose what and how to think. These children will like their home and always bless it because it blessed them and filled the vacuum with wholesome values. What is true of the children is true of Dad and Mom in their fifties, sixties, and seventies. If either does not have an inquiring, eager mind by the time he is fifty, the rocking chair blues will catch up with him.
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He will live in the past, and finally corrupting inter- pretations will make him old.
Few of us will die in the kind of world into which we were born. This is because knowledge is being poured out upon this generation as the water covers the mighty deep. Tremendous improvements in com- munication and transportation, the rise of automation, and the new chemistry, for example, make the old landmarks fall. It is easy to be left behind lonely and frustrated as the sum total of our knowledge in so many fields doubles each decade. The family that "keeps up," holding onto the eternal knowledge which does not change, but adapting and applying this knowledge to a changing world, is a happy family. They are in charge of their personalities. They are not tossed to and fro by the kind of knowledge which may be partially or completely obsolete in ten years.
Yet they know the new theories. Having sought first the kingdom of heaven, many things are added unto them.
The Lord after telling his people in this generation to "teach one another the doctrine of the kingdom," goes on to point out other things which are expedient for us to understand. He refers to them as "things both in heaven . . . and under the earth . . . the wars and perplexities of the nations ... a knowledge also of countries and of kingdoms." (D&C 88:79.) We would do well as a family to obtain this broad under- standing. Who knows what new discoveries may make our vocation obsolete in a few short years? Wide interests bring ready adaptation to change. We do not concentrate all of our attention on one sub- ject area alone.
President Brigham Young warned us about this in
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his characteristic forthrightness in the Journal of Discourses (2:93-94), "Shall I sit down and read the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and the Doctrine and Covenants all the time?' says one. Yes, if you please, and when you have done, you may be nothing but a sectarian, after all. It is your duty to know everything upon the face of the earth in addition to reading those books."
This plea for a wholeness of truth pervaded the heart and mind of the Prophet Joseph Smith at the beginning of this dispensation when he hired Pro- fessor Sexias for $300 to teach the Hebrew language in the Prophet's home and in the Kirtland Temple. This God-given spirit of wanting to know comes into the heart of every true Latter-day Saint. In addition to the informal learning opportunities offered by the home, the Primary, classes in priesthood, Sunday School, MIA, and Relief Society, the adults go to classes taught by schools of higher learning. For example, in 1962, 65,000 adult Latter-day Saints took some kind of credit or sequence of courses or lectures from Brigham Young University. While this is a good comparative record, it is small when compared to what can and will be when the half-million adults of the Church take advantage of the great adventures in learning which await them. In 1961 fifty million adults in the United States took adult education courses, according to the office of education. This is a marked increase over the previous decade, and it shows a growing interest in continuing education, but this is only a beginning of what it should and will be when we are fully awake to the opportunities before us.
Last year five hundred Latter-day Saints went to Europe or on an around-the-world BYU Travel Study program. They saw peoples and cultures and came home with new appreciations. Now they read of "the perplexities of nations" with intimacy and new insights. Four thousand engaged in personalized study through correspondence study. Two thousand found self-improvement and/or advancement on the job, through evening schools. Ten thousand attended short courses and discussion groups for special rea- sons in specialized subject areas.
One of the most thrilling and ever-expanding adven- tures in learning has been the BYU Education Week, formerly called Leadership Week. In 1962 in large and small towns in western America, breadwinners- mothers, fathers, businessmen, farmers, and workers from many fields, numbering more than 26,000— sat at the feet of great teachers learning secular and
spiritual truths.
One mother when asked, "What did you learn from those BYU teachers that helps you?" replied, "I learned that there are ten other constructive things I can do be- sides getting angry at my teenager." Resourceful peo- ple are hopeful people. They are needed everywhere.
We are moving into a world of ever-increasing specialization. We cannot live without the specialists and their contributions to family life. But fragmenta- tion of knowledge brings great dangers to balanced wholesome living. The family needs the mountaintop view where they can see the whole man in a whole- ness of truth. The family which does not achieve balance cannot understand its problems. The family which cannot appreciate the wisdom and insights of the ages as expressed in the great works of literature, the arts and science, is a family in trouble. The narrowness of specialization is a good reason for continuous learning.
The great dream of democracy is a government which will provide an environment where the family will not only be free but build a society which is as great as they have power to make it. The same is true of the kingdom of God which is a patriarchal or family government. We must lift each other and move together. Sensitivity to our responsibility to participate in state and church government requires intelligent voters who choose and support wise leaders. Only an informed family is worthy of good government; only faithful, intelligent citizens are worthy of freedom.
One final reason why the family should be the seedbed of lifelong learning is that the climax of family living, the golden years of life, should be filled with grandpas and grandmas who are useful and who feel wanted because they are prepared for these "best years of life." Too often these years turn out to be anti-climactical.
Great leaders in the Church and in the nation- many in their seventies and eighties— bear witness to the importance of their dynamic attitude toward lifelong learning. For these men and women there are not enough hours in the day or strength in their bodies to keep pace with their young minds and spirits. There is much unfinished business— many unfulfilled dreams— ever widening interests which must be taken up on the morrow. For these men and women the older years are the climax for which all previous well-lived years have prepared them. This is lifelong learning and family living at its best.
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Before you
buy . . . investigate
BY JOSIE S. VINCENT
INSTRUCTOR, DEPT. OF HOUSING AND HOME MANAGEMENT, BYU
# "Modern equipment, designed to take the drudgery out of homemaking, has revolutionized household tasks— this is a push-button world where the equip- ment does the work."1 The rapid technological ad- vances of recent years have produced an overwhelming array of household appliances and even more revolu- tionary changes can be expected in the future. "Since each major appliance represents a sizable investment, its purchase should be considered both separately and as it relates to equipment you may now own or plan to buy."2
Since few families need or can afford to buy every new piece of equipment that comes on the market, everyone in the family should share in deciding what to buy. This calls for thoughtful planning and study by the family before the purchase is made. Here are ten steps for wise buying:
1. Weigh and evaluate your needs and wants in terms of your family's present and future values and goals. The young family will need to buy basic equipment first such as a range, refrigerator, washing machine, or vacuum cleaner. A family with small children may find a washing machine a real necessity. For some families, a freezer may be a valuable piece of equipment. It should save money if a great deal of home-grown and home-baked food is frozen or if the family buys food for future use when the price is low.
2. Develop your own buying guide. Find out the desirable features to look for in the piece of equip- ment you plan to buy. You can get this information from a variety of sources: articles in newspapers and magazines, advertisements, consumer service booklets, business-sponsored publications, government bulletins, and books and pamphlets written by authorities in the field of household equipment. Your appliance manu- facturer, dealer, and serviceman, home economists of utility companies, and other homemakers who have used the appliance will be able to supply you with valuable information. Summarize the information that you have gathered by making a check list of the important buying points you will want to look for
^Household Finance Corporation, "Money Management, Your Equip- ment Dollar," 1953 Edition. Hhid., 1963 Edition.
when you go shopping. It is a good idea to keep an equipment reference file on buymanship information.
3. Make a comparison of several brands so that you are aware of the features available on the market. Don't buy the first one you see. All equipment must meet a definite standard for basic construction, but you should note the various materials, the workman- ship, size and shape of the appliance. You will find that each brand has a number of models, but gener- ally, the basic construction of all models is the same. The difference among models will consist mainly of size and special features. Some special features are valuable servants; others are mainly gadgets that are put on for show. Evaluate special features in terms of needs, added cost, and the time and energy they will save.
4. Select the right dealer. He should be well- established in the community and have a reputation for standing behind his merchandise. It is important that he understands the construction, installation, operation, and care of the appliances he sells. He should have a good service department that gives prompt and dependable service. As equipment be- comes more automatic the service department becomes more important. Remember this! The right dealer to buy from is the one who earnestly tries to serve you best, who shows by the words and actions of his sales people that he wants you to be a customer of his store, rather than just to quickly sell you his equipment and then forget you.
5. Choose a reliable manufacturer who will stand behind your dealer if an appliance should fail to perform satisfactorily. Pick a manufacturer who over a period of years has earned the reputation of pro- ducing quality merchandise and has carried out the terms of his guarantees.
6. Select your appliance for safety. As you shop look for the following seals of approval: UL seal on electrical equipment and the AGA or blue star seal on gas equipment. In the United States the Under- writer's Laboratory, Inc., seal means that the equip- ment was tested when it was developed, and it is checked periodically by the factory for fire, casualty, and electrical safety. (Continued on page 292)
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Your Values Become You
(Continued from page 260)
do everything except bathe the baby, no animals to feed, no chores to do, convenience foods to heat and eat, and every member of the family going in a different direction from the others, have brought blessings and calamities to modern family liv- ing. Long-tested home values that
held community sanction for three centuries suddenly seem evanescent, and other concepts of equal worth in building character have not taken hold. This interregnum between the secure, comfortable system of the past and what is to evolve in the future is a period of instability.
Your values become you. When and how does this happen? Does one wait until children are old enough to investigate for themselves to teach them about the meaning of eternal life and the significance of
TO BEGIN
AND GET GOING
RICHARD L. EVANS
Last week we spoke of the restlessness with routine; with the daily round of things that must be done of which our lives are mostly made; and of the patience required for preparation— in short, of being faithful in a few things before being trusted with many more. Few people in a long or a short lifetime start and go in a predetermined direction without any detour or delay. But sometimes young people become discouraged because of the difficulties of making decisions, the difficulties of knowing what they want to be, what they want to do, and because of interruptions and uncertainties, and fear of failure. But it shouldn't be so. On this subject we would quote some understanding sentences written more than threescore years since, just in case the present generation would feel that such problems were peculiar to our particular time: "Few begin with anything like a clear view of what they want to do," said this source, "and the fortune they seek may come in a very different form from that which they have kept in view. . . . [Those who are sincerely successful] are those who are not paralyzed by failures. . . . While those who put all at risk on one venture, and, losing, weakly surrender, never accomplish anything worth living for. Failures, [problems, interruptions] enter into the natural expectation of everybody. . . . Everything depends on how we take our [disappointments and delays]. . . f'1 We ought always to be earnestly "engaged in a good cause,"2 to have a good purpose and pursue it. "Nothing is more unworthy of a wise man," said Plato, "or ought to trouble him more, than to have allowed more time for trifling, and useless things, than they deserved."3 The plain fact is, restated for all of us, and espe- cially for those younger in years: It is not given to any of us to see the end from the beginning, but we have to begin, we have to decide, we have to choose a good goal, and we have to get going. We have to accept the unavoidable interruptions, the detours, the delays; to be prayerful in decision, patient, persistent, persevering in preparation. "Few begin with anything like a clear view of what they want to do,"1 but we have to choose a good objective, and have the faith to prepare, to follow through— to be faithful in the small things, of which the larger ones are mostly made.
^Editorial, The Independent, August 1898.
2D&C 58:27.
3Plato.
"The Spoken Word," from Temple Square presented over KSL and the Columbia Broadcasting System, January 13, 1963. Copyright 1963.
their earthly experience? When a teenage daughter reports that she must get married is that the time to teach standards of morality? When a son has been caught in petty thievery is that the time to teach him how to earn and use his own money and pay his way? When does one get ready for a mission call? For his life's work? For mar- riage? For old age? Overwhelm- ing evidence points to infancy as the time when the training should begin.
Great teachers such as Buddha, Confucius, Plato, Socrates, and scores of others have taught this truism. Ancient Hebrew prophets taught it, and one gave explicit di- rections about the process. Here are his words:
"And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
"And these words, which I com- manded thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
"And thou shalt teach them dili- gently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down and when thou risest up.
"And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.
"And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thine house and on thy gates." (Deuteronomy 6:5-9.)
This scriptural advice suggests the use of four languages:
The language of the feelings
The language of words
The language of example
The language of reminders "These words shall be in thine heart"— the language of the heart is the language of the feelings. One cannot teach anything that is not in the heart. One must believe in an idea or principle or value so im- plicitly that it is part of him before he can teach it to others. It is im- possible to fool a child by using words that tell a different story from that which is in one's heart; from the moment of birth, children are sensi- tive to the language of the feelings— the most potent of all languages.
The language of words reinforces the first language and must be used frequently and in various types of situations in order to teach values that will have lifelong significance. The prophet said, "Thou shalt teach
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THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
these words diligently unto thy chil- dren when thou sittest in thine house . . . and when thou liest down and when thou risest up;" and we could add, "And when preparing a meal, when washing the walls, when painting the house, when cleaning the yard, when raking the leaves, when freezing ice cream, and when doing a thousand other home tasks." If you believe that time for training in the understanding of values is vital, "work projects can be- come very meaningful and have pur- pose beyond just getting a job done. This doesn't mean that there are not times when it is wise to have store biscuits; the point is that the home is the finest laboratory in the world for teaching eternal values, and they are caught more than taught. The numerous situations that the home provides are means through which indirect and subtle instruction about family values can be given. In bread- making, for example, one sees the process from beginning to end and catches a thrill of accomplishment and satisfaction impossible to re- ceive from store biscuits. While mak- ing the bread, values important to the Mormon way of life are learned.
The language of example comes "as thou walkest by the way." Elders teach children by demonstrating, guiding, directing, and setting the pattern for making decisions about day-to-day issues. In very deed, what they do speaks louder than what they say.
The language of reminders: "Thou shalt bind these words for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes." Phylacteries were reminders for the ancient Hebrews; these small leather cases protected inscriptions denoting laws to be obeyed, and they were worn about the head or on the wrist, and sometimes around the neck. "Thou shalt write these words upon the posts of thine house and on thy gates." Thus the home was also a reminder. Our values today are indicated by the clothes we wear, the food we eat, and by the place we call home. These reminders of the LDS way of life are rooted deeply if seeds are planted early and nurtured through the growing- up years.
When there is an earthquake, vic- tims take a serious look at what happened, pick up the pieces, and
go on from there; a "culture quake" such as we are now experiencing calls for similar treatment. The great prophet Isaiah faced such a problem at the beginning of King Uzziah's reign in 740 BC. The peo- ple of Judah were shaken loose from their accustomed ways of thinking and their values were woefully mixed up. The prophet was com- missioned to go out and warn the people and find the remnant to carry on the Hebrew value system of the past. The masses did not listen,
but the remnant heard his words and took their job seriously, putting into practice the values of eternal life and teaching them diligently unto their children. That remnant has continued to this day.
Your values become you. What do you want your life to be ten years or fifty years from now? What eternal effect do you want your life to have on the generations to come? Your answers will indicate whether you are of the remnant or of the masses.
I THE SPOKEN WORD i
MISTAKES LEARNED
AND LESSONS
RICHARD L. EVANS
It would surely seem to be an understatement to say that all of us make mistakes— mistakes sometimes followed by real regrets— regrets for things we wish we had said or done or wish we hadn't said or done. And since we make mistakes, we may find ourselves carrying on a conversation with our conscience, sometimes justifying, sometimes rationalizing, sometimes trying to talk down the uneasy inner accusations, or sometimes going to the other unfortunate extreme of assuming that there is nothing we can do about what we have done or have failed to do, and resigning our- selves to the mistakes we may have made. But neither self-justification nor resigned hopelessness is wholesome. The only acceptable way lies between these two: facing up to the facts and doing something about them; improving, repenting. It seems a significant thing that the Lord God gave us the principle of repentance. He surely must have known that we would need it. And he surely wouldn't have given us the principle if he hadn't been willing to accept our sincere repentance. This, in itself, seems hopefully significant. Within the limits of this imperfect life, there will likely always be some regrets. And no matter what decisions we make or fail to make we often wonder what would have happened if we had done differently. But we can't go back. And it is worse than wasteful to waste life away on vain regrets, idle regrets, regrets from which we do not learn, regrets that do nothing for us for the future. From any mistake we should learn a lesson. If not, there is no peace, no progress. "Let not sleep fall upon thy eyes," said Pythagoras, "till thou hast thrice reviewed the transactions of the past day. Where have I turned aside from rectitude? What have I been doing? What have I left undone, which I ought to have done?"1 "Inspect the neighborhood of thy life," said Jean Paul Richter, "every shelf, every nook of thine abode."2 "There is no greater delight," said Mencius, "than to be conscious of sincerity of self-examina- tion."3 All of us would well do such sincere self -searching, and from any mistakes, see that there is a lesson learned, so that regrets may not be hopeless, useless; so that there may be peace, repentance, and progress for the future.
Pythagoras (582-500 BC), Greek philosopher. 2Jean Prul Richter (1763-1826), German writer. 3Mencius, (385-289 BC), Works, Chinese sage.
"The Spoken Word," from Temple Square presented over KSL and the Columbia Broadcasting System, January 20, 1963. Copyright 1963.
APRIL 1963
287
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APRIL 1963
289
Family Hours
( Continued from page 269 )
Mother's Day
Father's Day
A Night with Dickens (other
authors ) Bible Night A Freeze-It Party Grandparents' Night Make-Something Party
Balls (with
Stunt Night A Family Sing A Candy Pull Making Pop Corn
prizes in each) Hobby Night A Circus Party Cut-Out Fun Visit the Shut-In Heritage Night
Add to this list your favorite things to do during the family hour.
(Note: Detailed descriptions on
CHOOSING ALONG THE WHOLE LENGTH OF LIFE
RICHARD I_. EVANS
Last week we talked of mistakes, of regrets, and concluded that from any error there should be, must be, a lesson learned, otherwise regrets will be fruitless, will fail to improve the future. Often there comes the question as to why we make mistakes. We are not here referring to the inadvertent errors or to the constructive kind of trial and error which is often so essential a part of the learning process, but rather to what might be called character mistakes— mistakes of principle, mistakes of appetite, of offenses against others and against ourselves; the doing of what we know better than doing; choosing to do what we know we shouldn't do— in effect, the more deliberate, knowing kind of failure. The question is too big, too complex here and now to analyze or answer, except to say that there is always an "opposition in all things," and a choice in all things, between right and wrong, truth and error, between self-control and indulgence. Evil is always active. Temptation is always present. And we are always faced with choosing along the whole length of life, and are never safe in relaxing our alert, for there are always opposing forces pulling in different directions. And the way we go somewhat suggests the quality of char- acter, our sense of values, our self-control, our intelligence, our sincere intent. Sometimes when people make such mistakes they offer the explana- tion that they thought they should sample the unsavory side, so that they would know about such things for themselves. But this is manifestly un- sound, because a priceless part of our heritage is to benefit by the mistakes that other men have made, by the principles that have already been proved. And we are not wise in repeating the mistakes that other men have made. Whatever the answers, whatever other elements there are, this fact seems sure: that we are all, in a measure, responsible for our acts and utterances, and that learning, improving, repenting, changing habits, conquering appe- tites, overcoming evil, conquering error, come only with a sincere desire to do so, only with a willingness, only with wanting to. "Over the times thou hast no power. . . ." said Carlyle. "Solely over one man . . . thou has quite absolute . . . power.— Him redeem and make honest."1
irrhomas Carlyle.
"The Spoken Word," from Temple Square presented over KSL and the Columbia Broadcasting System, January 27, 1963. Copyright 1963.
how to conduct these activities and other helpful material for family hours will be found in Family To- getherness—Suggestions for Home Nights, available at Department of Extension Services, BYU.)
Many pleasant family experiences can grow out of spontaneous activity. The following is a list of standard play equipment and materials every family should have. Amount and kind vary with the age of individ- uals. Many family hours can be built around these activities:
Dart board
Beanbag board
Sand pile
A swing (rope or old tree)
Chinning bar
Basketball hoop
Out-of-doors fireplace or fire ring
Croquet set
Table tennis (Pingpong)
A pup tent for out-of-doors sleep- ing
A set of basic tools (jig saw) — variety of building materials
Several sets of building blocks (have made)
One or more pets that require daily attention
An ice-cream freezer
Half-dozen good commercial games, including some puzzles
A blackboard
A tackboard
A flannelboard
An easel
Colored crayons
A camera, movie or still; also, a projector
One or more musical instruments
Books— to include a good set of Bible stories with colored pic- tures, an LDS hymnbook, a community-type songbook, a va- riety of books on many sub- jects—some for all ages
An old costume chest
Play pots and pans for "mixing and cooking"
Each family will know of other items which may well be basic to a particu- lar family. Add these to this list. Family unity, like everything that is to last throughout all time and eternity, must be worked at con- stantly. It is not acquired on any one day or at any set time but is woven into the lives of its members all through the years without their knowing just when or how.
290
THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
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APRIL 1963
291
Let's Improve Our Family Communications
( Continued from page 272 )
argument— why don't they talk it over and work out a mutually agree- able solution? Why doesn't Mary tell her father how she feels? Experience may have taught her that her father will not consider her point of view, or that if she speaks up her father gets angry for being "impertinent." She may be afraid that she might cry or get too upset, or it could be she has never talked over important things with her father and just doesn't know how. Perhaps she thinks her father will punish her by taking away all of her car privileges— or even worse, give her the "cold, silent treatment" accompanied with that hurt "how- could -you -do- this-to-me" look.
And the father— why doesn't he talk this all over with his daughter instead of just telling her? Surely he can see (from the silent signals) that she is upset. It could be that he thinks that children should obey parents— not talk back. After all, that's how he was raised by his father. Or perhaps he fears a tear- ful scene and to give the order and retreat behind the newspaper is just easier, and less time consuming.
So the father and daughter do not talk because each has roadblocks
in the path of open communication. How can they get rid of these blocks— presuming that they really want to? People and situations are complex and different, and there are no simple answers, but there are some guideposts from which we might build a strategy to help meet the situation:
Guidepost 1. Re-examine your as- sumptions. We all assume things about others that may not be true- but we behave as though they were true. How tragic if the assumptions we hold and think are true, are really false. Mrs. G. assumes that if she tells her husband how she feels he will "get angry and tell her off." He may have done that once five years ago, and she assumes he is still like that. Mary assumes that if she tries to talk to her father he will get angry and punish her, but maybe he won't. Wouldn't both Mrs. G. and Mary do better to as- sume that the husband or father loves them, wants to have a good relationship, and if approached in love and kindness will respond with love and understanding?
Guidepost 2. Take a risk. In a sense this is the old adage, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." When we open the communication channels, we sometimes risk the possibility that the other person may get upset, angry, and may feel hurt or resent- ful, but we are also risking * the possibility that the situation will
improve and the end result will be better. Is the reward worth the risk?
Guidepost 3. Build a climate of trust and understanding. By our actions and expressions let others know that we trust them and accept them. Parents need to let children know that they will accept the child's point of view, will listen to his argument, will respect his opin- ion. More than this, the parent needs to say, "I respect you and trust you enough to share my real feelings with you, to confide in you." Sharing begets sharing, openness of communication begets openness from others.
Guidepost 4. Try— and learn from the trying. As we take a risk and make a new trial, we may make mistakes. Our communication may be misunderstood, but each trial can be seen as a learning experience— we have learned what not to do. Perhaps next time will be better. If others know we are really trying to do better, this may enhance the climate, lessen the risk, and make the next attempt easier and more successful.
Guidepost 5. Keep talking. The easiest thing to do when our com- munication is misunderstood or pro- duces the wrong result is to lapse into silence, to avoid the issue or pretend it was never said. Usually we have to clear the communication by adding more communication— in the right kind of climate.
Before you buy . . . investigate ( Continued from page 285 )
The CSA, or Canadian Standards As- sociation, is a similar seal used in Canada. The American Gas Asso- ciation seal in the United States means that gas equipment has passed the minimum requirements of performance, construction, and safety established by the gas industry under the direction of the American Standards Association.
7. Investigate the terms of your guarantee. Read the guarantee care- fully before you buy any piece of equipment. Make sure you under- stand the service to which you are entitled. Find out the length of time
that the major operating parts are guaranteed by the manufacturer and how long your dealer or his author- ized service agent will, without charge, make any adjustment to keep the appliance functioning properly. A clear understanding of the guar- antee and service before you buy can save unpleasantness and disap- pointment later.
8. Ask for a book of instructions and read it carefully before you use the appliance. This book has been carefully prepared by a trained home economist and will give you complete direction for using and caring for your appliance. Keep it in a handy place and refer to it often. It may save you an expensive service call. As the old saying goes, "If all else fails read your instruc-
tion book."
9. & 10. Use and care for the equipment properly. These go hand in hand. Your satisfaction will depend upon your willingness to learn to use and care for the equip- ment properly so that you will be as happy with your purchase in a year or ten years from now as you were the day you bought it.
Remember that "efficient use of equipment includes the correct se- lection, arrangement, operation and care of appliances so that the home- maker may accomplish the maxi- mum amount of work with the minimum of effort in the shortest possible time."8
;lLouise Jenison Peet and Lenore Sater Thye, Household Equipment, 5th Edition, (New York: John Wiley and Sons, Inc.) 1961, p. vii.
292
THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
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293
Teaching the Gospel in the Home
(Continued from page 273)
position. He asks himself, "How does this situation appear to my child?" In doing so, he remembers the expe- rience, knowledge, understanding, and wisdom of his child.
Involvement. An individual is more likely to understand a princi- ple of the gospel if he, himself, is responsible for understanding and living it. A person appreciates tithing when he pays tithing. A person understands more completely the nature of baptism if he himself has been baptized and realizes that baptism is the way of coming unto the Lord, also if he has the responsi- bility of presenting the principle of baptism to someone else.
Naturally, a person best under- stands something if he has had ex- perience with it. This is one reason why the Savior frequently used parables or stories which couched the principle in terms of the experi- ence of his listeners.
Actions. Consider the following situation: A parent tells his child to be honest, but cheats on his income tax, or, when someone calls on the telephone to whom he does not wish to speak, he says, "Tell him I am not in." Actions speak louder than words. If two parents are kind, con- siderate, and patient, such behavior is likely to be imitated by their children. If their parents are imma- ture and shout at each other, it is quite likely that their children will follow the same pattern.
Systematic Study. On many occa- sions and for a number of years the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have ad- monished its members to hold a regular family hour. This can be a period in which the principles of the gospel can be analyzed and dis- cussed. Such occasions can be most meaningful if held regularly and if the family decides on projects that deepen the understanding of a given principle. Suppose, for example, one were discussing the second com- mandment, loving others as much as we love ourselves. Each indi- vidual member could decide on something that would demonstrate his love for others in a concrete
way. Perhaps he becomes a better neighbor. Perhaps he decides that he will be kind in the way he ad- dresses others. At Christmas time or other occasions he selects indi- viduals who are in real need to whom he gives gifts.
Teaching Moments. Some of the greatest opportunities to help a child gain an understanding of the prin- ciples of the gospel arise from every- day relationships of family members. On these occasions, the parents can help their children to make choices. Often, a child will ask a parent a question. By evading the question or saying, "Wait a minute," he may cause the child to lose interest or cause him to go to other sources to find his answer. Often, too, the
THE PAINTED DESERT BY CLARA LASTER
Rainbows are growing
In Navajo lands, Spilling jewel-colors
Over wavering sands, Spiraling naked rocks
And brooding clay, A spectrum of sunlight,
All through the day. When rain clouds beckon,
Delicately, they curl, Then a part of the desert
Hangs over the world. Yes, rainbows are growing,
Bright in the clay, And that's why the desert
Is painted that way.
situation of the moment is in the consciousness of the child. By using it to increase and deepen the under- standing in the mind and soul of the child, the parent can be truly effective.
Suppose, for example, a child should ask, "How can Heavenly Father hear my prayers when so many are praying to him at the same time?" The parent in this situation may take the child aside and talk to him about how Heavenly Father knows even when a sparrow falls to the earth. He can explain the greatness of God's understanding and knowledge, how he created all things. Then, if the child asks questions and there is an inter- change between the parent and
child, the teaching moment for this principle is right, and the child's insight will grow significantly. If a parent is aware of the principles of the gospel and is consciously seeking to make them part of the lives of his children, he can find many oppor- tunities daily to do this.
Be Specific and not Abstract. Children learn in specifics and not in abstract generalities: for example, the best way to teach tolerance is by demonstrating tolerance to others. If a neighboring child has been particularly difficult, and you as a parent invite him in to play with your children and accept him, the teaching of tolerance will be taught in a specific and not an abstract manner. You may not condone some of the conduct of the neighbor child, but your own children will sense the love and acceptance and will understand much better the concept of tolerance. Whether it is tolerance, honesty, love, forgiveness, or whatever principle may be taught, the more specific and concretely it is taught, the more effective it will be in the lives of children.
The Spirit in the Home. The Lord said on one occasion, ". . . if you receive not the Spirit ye shall not teach." ( D&C 42: 14. ) Parents must realize that in the home they con- tinue to teach, whether they intend to or not, for young children imi- tate the parents and set up their own patterns of behavior on the basis of how their parents behave toward them. If one is effective in helping his children understand, ac- cept, and live the principles of the gospel, he develops in the home a spirit of kindness, patience, and love, following the . pattern the Savior would have the family live.
Teaching the gospel in the home becomes a great opportunity for maximizing the joy of both the par- ents and the children; extending far beyond the confines of that single home it affects the lives of all people touched by these family members, and it also has a bearing upon gen- erations yet unborn.
It might be useful for parents to take each one of the guideposts and hold a family discussion concerning its meaning. Following such dis- cussions the parents might then decide on some ways of implement- ing the guideposts in the actual day-by-day living in the home.
294
THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
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All the World is a Stage ( Continued from page 278 )
Karma Cornell?"
The door opened suddenly, and there she stood. Rashell Ramone, more beautiful than Karma had ever dreamed. Rashell was not only beautiful but as lean as the shoot of a willow.
"Karma, my darling! It is you!" The famous voice trembled slightly. "Come in, Karma, honey."
Karma felt the tears coming. She hadn't dreamed of such a warm welcome. She had practised before the mirror, offering her hand in friendship. But this . . . these hugs . . . and kisses on the cheek, she had never dreamed that Rashell would be . . . would care to remember.
"At last we're together," Rashell murmured. "It's so good to see you again."
"It's been a long time," Karma said.
"Too long." Rashell held her at arm's length and said, "You're so pretty, so ... so unspoiled and beautiful."
"You're the one that is beauti- ful, Rashell."
"This is makeup, honey, and it clings like glue. The me, beneath all this is . . . but we won't go into that. Tell me about my dear Karma. Tell me about your husband."
"Well, Mike is a regular guy. He works very hard to keep us all sheltered, clothed, and fed, and he helps with the children and dries the supper dishes. That's about all there is to tell about my life. It's very dull, really."
"You call life dull when you have developing children to watch? How many little ones are there?" Rashell seemed genuinely interested.
"Five with little Donny." Karma smiled thinking about each little personality.
"You are so lucky, Karma. These children are living things, something to have and to hold from here . . . through eternity. You chose so wisely." Rasheli's eyes misted.
"But tell me about yourself. Your life must be so exciting," Karma queried.
She watched the various memo- ries, both good and bad, make their small changing tides of expression on Rasheli's face. A smile lay mo-
tionless along her mouth. "After you left the summer stock company to marry Mike, I went to New York. I'd rather skip the part about knocking on doors of agents, man- agers, producers, and so on. Four years later I had a bit part and a flat on the East Eighties."
"I want to take you someplace for lunch, where we can talk," Karma said, looking about the windowless dressing room with its cardboard like walls. "Could you break away and go down to the Emerald Room?"
"Karma, I'd like nothing better, just sitting down to a table for two and visiting over fried chicken and
SPEECH OF SPRING
BY GILEAN DOUGLAS
How delicately spring can say What the autumn winds must shout; Gently, quietly, convey What the year is all about.
Show in radiant butterfly Summers bright maturity, Echo autumns scarlet cry In a budding maple tree.
Pile a drift of dogwood white As the porphyry of snow, Point with every tyro flight To the way the year must go.
mashed potatoes, and thick, rich gravy, and two or three slices of bread like your mother used to bake; then top it off with homemade ice cream, and chocolate cake. Ah, those were the days. But it can't be done now. I've tried on occa- sion, and I'm simply mobbed, going out in public, I mean. Karma, it's just like we dreamed long ago. There's the name in bright lights, and people swarming about, and there's excitement, but it isn't real living, Karma, just acting. Honey, you're the one that's really living, and I envy you so much."
"And I envy you. If I could only trade you places right today, Ramone."
"No, dear, you're smarter than that. But back to the luncheon idea. If you don't mind eating here
in the dressing room with me. . . .
"Honey, I can't even eat like a real human. If I did I wouldn't be able to squeeze myself into this straight jacket." Her fingers out- lined her form.
During the lunch they talked about their girlhood days, and their mutual friends, where they were and their successes in life. But always they came back to the com- parison of their own lives. How the twigs had bent their separate ways.
Karma's eyes grew dreamy. "Re- member how we used to paraphrase Shakespeare's words : 'All the world's a stage, and all the men and women players; they have their exits and their entrances and one gal in her time plays many parts.' If I had only made the grade, stayed with it as you have. I, too, would be play- ing roles now."
"Karma, darling, don't you see? You're playing many roles, many more than I. . . ."
Just then a knock was sounded on the door. "Miss Ramone, you're on stage in two minutes."
"That's my cue, honey. Be sure and stay for the show. The door- man will show you to the reserved section. I'll catch my plane imme- diately after, so I'm afraid this is good-bye."
The famous Rashell Ramone was gone.
Karma found it very exciting being ushered from behind stage to her seat near the curtain. She felt the eyes of many upon her, as she took her place. She was glad she had sp'ent the money for her new beige and brown ensemble, instead of wearing the old paisley dress.
Only too soon the play was over, and Karma found herself riding the bus out to the suburbs back to her home with Mike and the children. The bus was not crowded at this hour, and ho one she knew came to occupy the seat beside her. There was time for meditation.
"I'm glad Rashell made the grade," she mused. "I sort of feel an osmosis joy in her success. Rashell was more friendly, more human than I ever dreamed she would be, being so successful." Karma had wondered if she would even care to remember an old friendship since she became a star. But she had remembered, and welcomed her into her arms, and even bought her dinner.
296
THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
What was it Rashell had said about her children? "Those children you and Mike have are living things, something to have and to hold from here through eternity." She had said something, too, right at the last, just before her curtain. What was it? "Karma, darling, you're playing many roles, many more than I."
What had she meant? Karma thought of her own life. Was it as simple and drab and dull and life- less as she herself had felt it was? She was sort of playing many roles, just as Rashell had said. Why she, Karma Thompson, had the role of companion to Mike, the nicest guy in the world. And she had the role of mother to five growing children. She had the role of housekeeper, cook, nurse, buyer, manager, seam- stress, and teacher.
Her whole success lay not in being passably good in one or two of these different roles, but in being highly proficient in all of them. Her entire family's happiness and suc- cess in life, not only their lives ndw, but through the coming genera- tions, depended on how she raised her children, how she met the de- mands of all these many roles she played.
As the bus came to a stop at her corner, there was Mike waiting in the car for her.
"How's my leading lady?" he asked as she seated herself beside him in the car. "Have a nice time?"
"She actually was happy to see me!"
"And why shouldn't she be. You were friends for. . . ."
"Mike it was simply wonderful, and yet it's all been more than that. It's been an eye opener for me."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, it's hard to explain, but I will say this, Mike— though it may sound sort of corny to you— I've never been so glad to be just plain Mrs. Mike Thompson as I am this very minute."
"I don't see anything corny about that." He eyed Karma again from the tip of her toes to the crown of her head, and he liked what he saw. "I don't see anything plain about Mrs. Thompson, either."
Mike was steering the car into the driveway. He turned off the igni- tion, then gathered Karma to him affectionately.
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297
Grandmothers and
Grandfathers
( Continued from page 259 )
mellow. Kindness flowed from her lips and was the epitome of her living. Her family— their integrity, their straightforwardness, their use- fulness, and their abilities— was her hourly concern. She overcame her disappointments, her frustrations with a childlike faith in God, that has and will be an inspiration for generations to come. She was a noble, true mother.
Perhaps we did not become so intimately acquainted with our grandfather. We will remember the crook of his cane and the twinkle of his eyes as he snared our small legs and drew us to him. With one arm about us, he would hold a confiden- tial session which generally termi- nated in his finding a dime in his pocket for anxious small palms.
As a boy pioneer of 1847, he had faced the difficult starvation periods, the land clearing, the building of many houses in many desolate areas to which he had been sent. His life was that of subduing a hostile en- vironment for the blessing of his loved ones and his fellow men.
As children we shared our par- ents' extreme anxiety when, as was his wont, he must come home for Christmas. The bridge of the river, having been swept away, he had himself strapped to the back of a horse that it might swim him across the swollen stream. The integrity of a promise was too important to be broken casually.
How he wanted us— his posterity— to be strong and true!
To my very humble grandparents we owe much by way of precept
and examples of togetherness. They were early immigrants, unable to acquire worldly goods and were never privileged to attend schools of learning. However they under- stood with deep conviction God's purposes for brotherly love and for- giveness. They set an hourly exam- ple in their home of frugality, cleanliness, orderliness, and honest endeavor.
Our grandparents invited their children to help them, some baking the bread, others providing the staples for daily living. As children, we pulled the little wagon filled with bottles and bags of food to them. Grandmother always seemed to anticipate our coming. She would meet us halfway on the hill to assist us in the last long pull. We were always rewarded by being invited to reach into the peppermint can and fill our small fists because she loved and appreciated us. For our supper, our grandfather would give us a big white onion and a long white radish that he had grown in his garden.
No envy, no strife, no bitterness, no condemnation, or criticism ever seemed to be breathed in their pres- ence. Everyone was expected to do his best in honor, in honesty, and in integrity. In the beginning grand- mother had to walk to the river for her culinary water. There was no complaint; she was living in a land of freedom, and to be free was to expand and grow. She prided her- self that she could look in two direc- tions from her pioneer doorstep and see the homes of her six children, all well-established with farms of their own, with means to earn a living, and with church and civic responsibilities.
If she became perplexed and did not know what to do, she would pray aloud so fervently, so sincerely, so plaintively, that we could almost feel that God was close beside her. This had a tremendous impact on our lives.
What brings a family together? It is a cohesiveness brought about by love and affection and sacrifice for each other. Togetherness is a cause of affection, and affection is a cause of togetherness. It is a striving to- gether to reach common goals through working together, playing together, worshiping together, and helping each other, unselfishly. A family may keep the lines of com- munication open to each other by being teachable and facing reality. We live in an expanding, growing, and changing world. As grand- parents we must be especially inter- ested, able to listen, to learn, and to grow. We must be flexible, pliant, and intelligent; willing to set the examples of righteousness.
The eternal nature of family life, and the eternal nature of the prin- ciples of the abundant life that Christ taught do not change. They remain constant throughout all our experiences. To love God, to love our neighbor, to do good to them that despitefully use you; to be obedient to authority, to show fru- gality, temperance, industriousness, and display loving kindness are principles that have been tested through the ages and continue to be essential to family solidarity and togetherness. Each can test these eternal principles according to his capacities, his knowledge, and his environment— the proper application of which will produce righteousness, togetherness, and family solidarity.
Marriage, a Growing and Becoming
(Continued from page 263)
the best in each other, we must seek for it and invite it to the surface. This requires communicative explo- ration of personalities and shared experiences. Many couples com- plain of a lack of pleasant experi-
ences shared together or that they do not have time for each other. Yet, Jesus taught that we always have time for the "treasures of our heart."
In a fast moving world of increas- ing pressures we expect the family ( and, particularly the marriage part- ner) to be understanding of the many shifts that pressures demand. Today's world doesn't allow much time for spontaneous living. So, it
would seem wise for couples to make "courtship" one of the treasures for which time is religiously reserved. Married life should and can have a "sparkle!" This sparkle flows from personalities who feel loved and appreciated. Courtship means con- tinually providing little courtesies and considerations that give the partner a feeling of being appre- ciated. It doesn't matter what we do as long as the partner perceives
298
THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
it as "consideration." To one wife, opening the car door is a symbol of continuing courtesy. To another woman an occasional gift or flowers, an appreciative kiss when the hus- band comes home each day, or a telephone call from him asking her for a dinner date may be more de- sirable courtesies. To a man, a favorite meal, a shared football game, or an extra bit of attention may be significant while "thank you's" and compliments are always wonderful tokens of appreciation for both parties.
Partners give cues to desired courtesies in daily living. If a wife mentions a new hat, dress, or chance to do something different, she's probably not complaining. She may be trying to say, "My life is so full of routine, I'd like some help in
CALICO FLOWERS BY ETHEL JACOBSON
Now the meadow puts aside Her winter shawl, and Eastertide Finds her shedding sober brown For a gaily patterned gown. Five-spot mallows spread and grow To fashion skirts of calico Crisply printed, swirling wide, Fresh and bright for Eastertide.
making it seem more interesting— maybe a new dress, maybe a chance to visit with friends, or maybe just a chance to go somewhere with you." By observing our partner more care- fully and listening creatively we be- come aware of inner desires which creative interaction should feed. Our ability to follow through in provid- ing satisfactions for such inner needs gives us a very special opportunity to feed "sparkle" into our relationship. If more than mediocrity is desired in a marital relationship, each part- ner must be dedicated to search for and contribute as much "sparkle" as possible. Being as honest as pos- sible, creative listening, and honest communication help establish an atmosphere in which "sparkle" can thrive. Courtship should begin with "I do" and blossom throughout eter- nity. Marriage as a "growing and becoming one" opens the heart- strings from which love swells and encompasses all.
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299
Living with Children
( Continued from page 277 )
we realize how common and usual they are, we will find ourselves worrying less. We should, as a result, grow more comfortable, se- cure, and certain. We can be freer and feel at one with ourselves. As a result, the spontaneous interaction which we can then have with our children should lead us to the achievement of a richer, fuller, more accepting way of living with chil- dren; and as a result, we should be able to meet our responsibility of parenthood by helping our children develop generous and wise under- standing and to become a sturdier part of the future.
Reasonable Expectations, We want our children to be a credit to us, but this should be rationally measured in terms of their happiness rather than the extent to which they conform to the demands of our adult world around them. We cannot ex- pect our children, for example, to greet our friends with as polite en- thusiasm as we do. We cannot expect our children to show them- selves off to best advantage just when we want them to. We must come to count on the occasional em- barrassment they create for us and be sophisticated enough to realize that other people who have children will understand. All of this requires more than merely an intelligent understanding of children. The patience and willingness to forgive that comes from love are necessary.
Most of us have had fostered in us the lifelong concept of children as the ultimately soul-satisfying achievement. Such buildup may make it difficult for us to admit freely that moments enter which are not lovely and serene. It may make it difficult for us to realize fully that our relationship with our chil- dren cannot always be harmonious and sweet. It may make us blame ourselves unduly for the unhappy scenes that normally arise in the course of any family's ongoing days.
We need to admit with honesty that difficulties do exist. We need to meet them with openness when they come, but we need not make them greater than they are. We need not create difficulties because
of understanding too little and ex- pecting too much.
Much trouble comes from over- expectations. We expect the whole adventure of having a family to be consistently more perfect than it can possibly be. This is one type of overexpecting. We expect our chil- dren, little and big, to live up to all sorts of standards which are many times far beyond us, but above all — and most devastating— we expect ourselves to be model parents, creatures of quiet and calm.
We need desperately to under- stand ourselves a great deal better; and we need to understand a great deal more about the processes by
WINDS BY JEAN RASEY
Though cliff-winds are whip-like, they often blow gently
Where eaglets are nesting in bluff- seeded tree;
They tumble and run with a cotton- soft bunting
And frolic with larks on a wildberry lea.
The winds of the highlands and low- lands are playing
With fledgelings, bright-feathered, fust learning to fly;
They run in quick flurries to bolster their efforts
To soar on wide wings down a bit of blue sky.
which children grow and develop and mature.
Guidance. A major responsibility of living with children is to provide guidance to them based upon sound principles and healthy attitudes— a kind of experience which nurtures and encourages growth to take place rather than attempting to mold a child into our preconceived dream or by trying to exact strict obedience.
We do not teach or educate a child rightly by merely putting things into his mind. This holds dormant what would otherwise be unfolding intelligence. A part of sound character-building is calling forth the child's own efforts. He must participate in the process of experiencing, feeling, and working. In this way, he grows in comprehen- sion, understanding, and ability.
Our children will learn the values
which we seek to teach them through our own integrity and clar- ity. Only with inward consistency can we develop a child's character, and it is a continuous process. It comes out of an impetus which the child himself feels in response to our right teaching and feeling, an impe- tus which calls forth the urge to do his best.
The development of goodness and strength is the development of life and character. This is our function as parents.
As we try to provide the best kind of guidance and training for our children, our main goal should be to arrange circumstances which sur- round the child in such a way that it is easy rather than hard for him to learn. As we attempt to help our children learn new and/or improved ways of living, we need to be aware that the first task in any attempt at new learning is in the area of atti- tude. A child who does something under duress to please somebody for reward or to avoid punishment learns with little energy at his dis- posal. It is easy for us to distinguish between halfhearted and whole- hearted participation. When desire to do or have has become whole- hearted, the child has his whole self to focus upon it.
Another important point for us as parents to keep in mind is to trust co-operation as a major contributor to growth and development. We have learned for certain that chil- dren accomplish more through co- operation than through competition. Whether it be building a diving stand for the lake or prettying up the horse for the horse show, what is done together yields more in human values than children pitted against each other. There is no question but what competition does obtain results in many ways, such as keeping a room tidy, attaining higher grades, etc., but in appraising our responsibilities of rearing chil- dren we must look beyond the accomplishment of an immediate task to the human values which are being developed either intentionally or unintentionally, consciously or un- consciously. There is considerable support for the point of view that competition with one's fellow, rather than co-operation with him, is a tool of defensiveness.
Children need to live in a climate
300
THE IMPROVEMENT ERA
which is heavily laden with the "three L's." They should live and learn and love. In order to accom- plish the achievement of such cli- mactic conditions, the following observations are offered: (1) It is helpful to treat children with the kind of concern and seriousness with which we like to be treated. (2) It is helpful for children to live in an atmosphere in which they can make their own mistakes gracefully and be courageous enough to profit by them. They, like ourselves, tend to alter or adorn the truth when they feel the inequality of themselves and the truth as it is. (3) Children will tend to emphasize in their values that which they find others empha- sizing. (4) The skill to live abun- dantly lies more largely in one's interpretation of his environment than in the actual richness of it. One learns to love by being asso- ciated with good lovers. And those who learn to love have good life insurance.
Love. Every well-meaning parent believes he loves his child, yet how many have thought deeply about the meaning of love? Behind all of our teaching, assisting, and training of children, there must lie a clear in- sight into love and an understanding of its true expression. Our children are a reflection of that love. We see the reflections around us every day and read of their problems in every newspaper and magazine. We see children whose parents quite evi- dently love them, but whose lack of insight into love has brought them unhappy and sometimes tragic re- sults. Thus the questions arise, what is the love our children need and how do we express it?
Is it love that showers the child with gifts and belongings, steers him toward a predetermined niche, or sets him on a throne for glorifica-